Archive for June, 2005

First steps to catwalk career (The Glass House 29/6/05)

Wednesday, June 29th, 2005

Glass House raw material about an article a bit like this one. South Chinese models are being forced to take an exam to show that they can walk properly before taking part in fashion shows. Some stay up all night the night before, pacing back and forth nervously. Which is good practice. South Chinese models […]

Court allows flirting at work (The Glass House 29/6/05)

Wednesday, June 29th, 2005

Comedy fodder from Blackwell & Holt regarding this article. A German court has upheld the right of Wal-Mart staff in Germany to flirt at work. The court rejected parts of Wal-Mart’s code of conduct relating to employees’ love lives, alcohol and drug use. This is particularly good news for alcoholic crackwhores. And Courtney Love. A […]

Rogues’ Gallery (The Glass House 22/6/05)

Thursday, June 23rd, 2005

Warnie gets mobile phone implanted to save time. Warnie receiving a particularly steamy SMS beamed right into his cortex. This year’s Ashes tour is only being broadcast on brain-cable TV. Warnie’s new hair replacement a success, though I would’ve thought a toupee was less conspicuous. The new domestic cyborg Warnie – you’ll never have to […]

Criminal Mind Starts Developing At 3 (The Glass House 22/6/05)

Thursday, June 23rd, 2005

A new study has suggested that, left untreated, children as young as 3 years old can be identified as having criminal potential. kids with a criminal mind at 3 can develop into a psychopath by the age of 6, by the age of 11 can have genocidal tendencies, and by the time they’re 16 they’re […]

Aguilera is Torture (The Glass House 22/6/05)

Thursday, June 23rd, 2005

US Forces at Guantanemo Bay have been using some pretty low-down tricks: urinating on the Koran, getting prisoners to bark like a dog, dripping water on their heads, putting their naked body in all sorts of poses, and now even stooping to playing them Christina Aguilera. The torturous techniques have resulted in some confusing testimony. […]

Spam Storm is conquered

Tuesday, June 21st, 2005

Spam Storm has now been subsumed by the might of Media Empire. This is a site which collates a bunch of things that land in my inbox that I think the world in general might find entertaining. Rather than forward them on, I stick them up here. Furthermore I allow the great unwashed to vote […]

Trophy: Cut price sex on offer for Dresden’s unemployed (The Glass House 15/6/05)

Thursday, June 16th, 2005

The Age wants you to pay for this one too, the bastards Unemployed men in Germany are being offered a 20 per cent discount at a Dresden brothel. Just bring in proof of being on the dole for two years to collect the discount. Two-year-old unwashed dishes qualify. Worried about the apparent discrimination of the […]

Boomers keep toy trains on a roll (The Glass House 15/6/05)

Thursday, June 16th, 2005

At last, a story with a link: Boomers keep toy trains on a roll More than three-quarters of the world’s model train sales are thanks to adult collectors… because kids these days are more interested in things like excitement and fun. Microsoft are releasing a new model train simulation to try to recapture the kids’ […]

Up the Pecking Order (The Glass House 15/6/05)

Thursday, June 16th, 2005

In our modern society, where we have smaller backyards and no time to walk the dog, chickens are becoming increasingly popular as pets. “They lay eggs and they are a fantastic garbage disposal unit,” said vet Dr Anne Fowler. “And they’re one of the few pets that really roast well.” It’s less wasteful. Instead of […]

Poor Reception (cut from The Glass House 15/6/05)

Thursday, June 16th, 2005

A Florida woman pulled a gun on her TV repairman, telling him: “You’re not leaving until the TV is fixed.” She was going to see Survivor one way or another… She was said to have been inspired by Desperate Housewives… I can understand why TV would drive you to that. You wouldn’t want to miss […]

Religious twist in Workplace Relations (The Glass House 8/6/05)

Thursday, June 9th, 2005

This article from the Sydney Morning Herald requires you to pay to order it online. Screw that, they’re not getting my link. The government’s industrial relations reform is heavily grounded in Christian ethics, says devoutly Catholic Minister for Workplace Relations, Kevin Andrews. Surely you remember Christ’s famous “Blessed are the employers with less than 100 […]

Supper with the stars (The Glass House 8/6/05)

Thursday, June 9th, 2005

A new UK website offers you the chance to have dinner with washed up pop stars and comedians. For a fee of between 300 and 5000 pounds, Supper With The Stars will send around one of their list of semi-stars to liven up your dinner party. And after dinner they sing karaoke to all of […]

Tests on experimental drug hold out the promise of a clever pill (The Glass House 8/6/05)

Thursday, June 9th, 2005

Tests on experimental drug hold out the promise of a clever pill says the Sydney Morning Herald about a new drug called ampakine. We say: It’s going to make medical exams a lot less gruelling. In fact the main assessment will just be based on which pill you’ve prescribed yourself. I actually ordered a pack […]

Trophy: Dockers’ new recruit ‘Hassa’ (The Glass House 8/6/05)

Thursday, June 9th, 2005

Some understandably unused gags about an Age article related to this one: Dockers find humour in Hasselhoff hoax Hasslehoff is just who the Dockers need on their forward line. KITT could be coach. The cybervandals were going to use KITT but couldn’t fit the guernsey on… I’m looking forward to when they start replacing all […]

Trophy: Sheik Yerbooti Memorial Explosive Logie (cut from The Glass House 1/6/05)

Monday, June 6th, 2005

Some Holt & Blackwell authored material for the trophy segment cut from The Glass House re: a Sydney Morning Herald article “Fitting the Part”. Iraqis living in America are being hired by the US Army to play insurgents and protesters in a new training program that aims to prepare troops for the war zone. They’re […]

Museum a real stink (cut from The Glass House 1/6/05)

Monday, June 6th, 2005

A story that made The Glass House script but not the screen: Smelly Swedish herring gets museum Sweden is opening a museum with the world’s finest collection of fermented Baltic herring. That’s right, it’s the fish they collect that makes Baltic Herring Museum the best. Here in Australia, we’re opening the Museum of Flake, Scallops […]

United in Dislike (The Glass House 1/6/05)

Monday, June 6th, 2005

The rest of Europe hates the French according to a Daily Telegraph article that doesn’t seem to be online. A European survey has found that everyone dislikes the French. The British view them as chauvinistic and humourless, the Germans see them as pretentious and frivolous, the Spanish damn them as vain and rude, and the […]