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Glass House

iPod My Baby – please! (The Glass House 26/10/05)

A website now offers little jumpsuits for your baby that make them look like an iPod, complete with a click wheel on the stomach. If you compress your children first, you can fit over 200 into the same jumpsuit! Parents who can’t afford to iPod their baby have been left still having to dress their […]

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Glass House

Punch a Pollie today (The Glass House 26/10/05)

NSW Nationals MP Andrew Fraser took a political stoush a bit literally with his Parliamentary assault on roads minister Joe Tripodi. Fraser later apologised. “I’m sorry – sorry I didn’t kill the prick!” Mr Fraser is now being suspended for eight days – by the neck. Fraser became agitated when Tripodi refused to admit he […]

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News

iNyahNyah open for business

Media Empire today released five classic episodes of the Melbourne comedy radio series Nyah Nyah for free download. Broadcast on PBS-FM between 1997-98, Nyah Nyah created 29 segments that shook the comedy world out of its nest of complacency to leave it, kicking and bleeding on the ground of complacency. In those heady days, it […]

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Glass House

God told Bush to invade (The Glass House 19/10/05)

A new BBC series reports that George W Bush has said he was instructed by God to invade Afghanistan and Iraq. Well, he said he was God. It was actually Dick Cheney in a fake beard. Usually Bush only calls Cheney “God” when they’re being intimate. God’s gotten a bit slack lately. In the olden […]

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Glass House

Commonwealth Condoms (The Glass House 19/10/05)

Ansell has supplied the Melbourne Commonwealth Games village with 60,000 condoms to service the needs of the 4,500 athletes and 1,500 officials. That’s an average of 10 roots each for their 11 day stay. And if they only sleep with each other, they get 20 screws each. 60,000 condoms! And Shane Warne’s not even competing! […]

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Glass House

Ghost Tax (The Glass House 19/10/05)

A village council in India has fined two men $830 for keeping a pet ghost. It’s a ghost tax. A bit like the GST on petrol excise. The ghost has now become too expensive to keep, and the men reluctantly let it go to haunt a more affluent home. The council came around, issued the […]

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Glass House

Latham Accidentally Inspires Party (cut from The Glass House 12/10/05)

A new political party has sprung up, inspired by Mark Latham’s recent outbursts. Latham was disturbed to hear he’d accidentally inspired a political party. “I’m trying to humiliate parties!” The party is basing themselves on Latham’s principles. A warning if you’re thinking of joining – don’t shake their hands. (You might end up with a […]

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Glass House

Rogues’ Gallery – Dubya & Johnny / Bert / Vanstone (The Glass House 12/10/05)

“Sit and spin, sir?” “Don’t worry, Mr President, I’ll get your gooby.” “See? You did have something up your nose.” “Can I still be deputy sheriff? I brought my own gun!” “And so, Mr President, I said, ‘Saddam – that’s LBW!’” “And this means the batsman’s out.” Howard and Bush discuss the future of petrol […]

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Glass House

Conspiracy Course (The Glass House 12/10/05)

The University of Derby’s Sociology course now offers a subject on conspiracy theories called “apocalyptic and paranoid cultures”. It’s also the title of Mark Latham’s latest book about the Labor party. There is a new course studying conspiracy theories. At least, that’s what some people claim. I want to see the evidence. The students will […]

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Glass House

Pain in the neck PM (The Glass House 12/10/05)

PM John Howard says scrapping unfair dismissal laws will be a hit with fellow workers because it will allow “pains in the neck” to be sacked. The trade unions have been outraged at the comment. Particularly the Vampire’s Guild. You will be able to be sacked for being “a pain in the neck”. Other acceptable […]

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Glass House

Libs Ban Antisocialism (The Glass House 12/10/05)

The Victorian Liberal Party are banning anti-socialism. Hang on, does that make them socialists? They’re banning anti-social behaviour. The Anti-Socialist Alliance is furious. Liberal leader Robert Doyle reworded the new proposal so that behaving like a twat is still allowed. Hard to lead a political party from jail. They need it as a tool when […]

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Glass House

US Extreme Makeover (The Glass House 5/10/05)

President Bush has appointed his closest confidante, Karen Hughes, with the task of overhauling the US’s bruised global image. With her and Condi Rice as his closest confidantes, you wouldn’t wanna be his wife… Hey Dubya, you want to know how you could really repair the US’s image? RESIGN. She’s got the job of fixing […]

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Glass House

Stressed-out toddlers (The Glass House 5/10/05)

Toddlers starting at child care experience high levels of stress due to separation from the parents. No, really? I would have thought being torn from your mother’s arms and being locked in a room with screaming babies would be soothing… In the early weeks, you can see toddlers nervously crawling back and forth out the […]