Archive for March, 2006

Ads for the ABC (The Glass House 29/3/06)

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

With the subject of ABC advertising being raised yet again (remember to sign the petition to increase federal funding to help prevent this becoming neccessary), we were asked to submit a few of the sort of ads the ABC might show. They ended up going with the “Kim Beazley Appeal Appeal” but here are the […]

Military Mutant Sharks (The Glass House 29/3/06)

Wednesday, March 29th, 2006

The Pentagon has developed electronic implants to enable them to turn sharks into stealth spies. Perfect for catching terrorist pilchards. These mutant sharks will be just what we need to reduce the terrorist threat in Baghdad and disarm Iran! There’ll never be another 9-11 now that we’ve got MIND-CONTROLLED SHARKS! It’s good to know that […]

Alms for the ABC…

Tuesday, March 28th, 2006

Hi folks, Please help put a bit of pressure on the Australian Federal government to increase the funding for the cash-strapped ABC. After all, without funding how will they be able to keep producing The Glass House and actual quality programs? I’ll hand over now to the Media, Entertainment and Arts Alliance for the actual […]

Rogues Gallery – Saddam Laughs, Dubya Bowls, Queen Digs & I’m with Howard (The Glass House 22/3/06)

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006

“How many Americans does it take to change a totalitarian regime? At least 2000!” “Remember those mass graves? So funny!” The court pauses for an episode of Iraq’s Funniest Home Videos. The court pauses for an episode of Iraq’s Funniest Genocides. The court pauses for an episode of Everybody Loves Saddam. “Ha ha! I knew […]

The week in news-stuffs (The Glass House 22/3/06)

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006

IT’S WORLD WATER DAY It’s World Water Day! Make an extra effort to conserve – water your garden with beer. It’s World Water Day. Not really a cause for celebration in countries affected by tsunamis. It’s World Water Day. Give a tap a kiss. It’s World Water Day. So leave the taps on to celebrate. […]

Gory Stories (The Glass House 22/3/06)

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006

New movies are getting more blood-soaked than ever. Films like Wolf Creek, Saw II and Hostel are even more gory than The Passion of the Christ… but you wait for Passion of the Christ 2! It’s gotten to the point where the bad guy has to let the victim recover just so they can generate […]

Commonwealth Clothing Ceremony (The Glass House 22/3/06)

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006

Performers in Sunday’s Commonwealth Games are being asked to dress like “regular Melburnians”. Most of them will be wearing the same ghoulish pale faces that they wore to the opening ceremony. That wasn’t makeup, folks. Most people will wear a T-shirt and shorts. Plus a jacket and trakky daks for when it gets cold. And […]

Exits are here, here and AAAARRGH (The Glass House 15/3/06)

Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

An Virgin airline stewardess caused panic on a turbulence-effected plane by screaming “We’re going to crash, we’re going to crash, we’re going to crash!” Apparently, when the turbulence settled down and the plane was cruising safely, she shrieked “We’re going to live! We’re going to live! AAARRRGGHH!” “We’re suing!” said one couple. “If a stewardess […]

College romance on syllabus (The Glass House 15/3/06)

Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

Parramatta Community College has begun offering a Skills with Dating course to teach people how to date. Subjects covered include Flirting, Making Moves, and Getting Pissed Without Throwing Up… People often don’t get a second date because they “put their dating face on”. Perhaps their dating face needs updating. People often don’t get a second […]

Sweeter than rocky road (The Glass House 15/3/06)

Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

In a breakthrough for road lickers, Aussie scientists have successfully converted sugar into what they say is a superior form of bitumen. The roads could be pigmented into an entire rainbow of different colours. Oh dear, I think the scientists have been drinking from their test-tubes again… There may be a worrying increase in roadkill, […]

Last week’s news… (The Glass House 8/3/06)

Wednesday, March 8th, 2006

HOWARD DECADE Celebrating ten years as Prime Minister, John Howard said that it was an occasion to be celebrated in a “contained, serious and sober fashion.” He’s right: 10 years of Howard is about as serious and sober as it gets. Tickets to John Howard’s 10 year bash were $1000 each. That buys you a […]

The Canonical List Of Aussie Values (The Glass House 8/3/06)

Wednesday, March 8th, 2006

And now a canonical list of the Aussie values that John Howard and Peter Costello would like to see restored. * Whiteness * Having money * Going to a reputable college * Believing in “Australian values” * Knowing the names of the entire Australian XI * A deep-seated love of Phar Lap * Idolising bushrangers […]

Thumbing Vandals (The Glass House 8/3/06)

Wednesday, March 8th, 2006

Las Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman has told a television audience that he thinks that the solution to the city’s graffiti problem might be to punish offenders with a “thumbing” – cutting their thumb off on TV. Not only does it set an example for other potential graffitists, it also addresses Las Vegas’ critical thumb shortage. […]

Batman vs Bin Laden (The Glass House 1/3/06)

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006

Batman is set battle Osama bin Laden in Frank Miller’s new graphic novel Holy Terror, Batman! Good to see someone‘s still chasing him… In the comic, mild-mannered Al Qaeda is bitten by a radioactive Koran, and turns into… OSAMAMAN. Dubya thinks it’s a great idea. “I don’t know where they’ve put the Bat-phone, but as […]