Archive for August, 2006

Oh Scardey bin Laden (The Glass House 23/8/06)

Thursday, August 24th, 2006

A new documentary reveals that mujahideen used to laugh at Osama bin Laden because he would jump and run away when he heard explosions. That’s why he hides out in a cave – those terrorists are all just so scary. They used to call him a “scaredy camel”. His group was nearly called “al Quaieeeek!” […]

Costello’s Birthday (The Glass House 23/8/06)

Thursday, August 24th, 2006

Peter Costello has just turned 49. After tax, that’s about 31. Peter spent the day having his cake and eating it too. Peter’s birthday cake was a splendid affair. He even donated a tiny sliver for the underprivileged, before giving the rest to Rupert Murdoch. As a special treat, his wife dressed up as an […]

Blackout Boom (The Glass House 23/8/06)

Thursday, August 24th, 2006

New Orleans has experienced a baby boom as a result of blackouts caused by Hurricane Katrina. Sometimes it takes a blackout to reignite the sparks. A lot of the amorousness was caused by random fumbling in the dark. “Is this a candle?” “No, baby… but you can blow it out!” Without TV and the internet, […]

Rogues’ Gallery (The Glass House 9/8/06)

Thursday, August 10th, 2006

– “Let the madness commence!” – Slow and steady wins the race… – Bush blows a whistle to announce the appointment of the new US Defence Minister. – Dick Cheney finally gets a turn in the bunny suit. – Flopsy Cottontail – the next governor of Texas. – Osama bin Laden really is the master […]

Monologue meat for Corinne! (The Glass House 9/8/06)

Thursday, August 10th, 2006

ASYLUM-SEEKER HOUSING IS TOPS Amanda Vanstone claims new accommodation at Villawood Detention Centre is better housing than many Australians enjoy. Yes – and they’re all indigenous people. / Which just goes to show how bad indigenous housing really is. “I mean, you’ve got security, you’ve got people to cook and clean for you; and just […]

Mel Cartman (The Glass House 9/8/06)

Thursday, August 10th, 2006

South Park‘s Cartman and Mel Gibson share identical views on Jews starting wars. There’s a simple explanation for this whole thing. When Mel gets drunk he likes to impersonate Cartman. It’s just that the media haven’t seized on the comments about his mum being a crackwhore. After being released on bail, Mel told the officers […]

Drug test pollies (The Glass House 9/8/06)

Thursday, August 10th, 2006

South Australian Family First MP Dennis Hood has said that if the Government failed to introduce legislation to drug-test MPs, then he would. He’s got one vote already! Hood’s ploy is a cunning Catch 22. If any politicians vote against the bill, he can accuse them of being paranoid! And everyone knows that’s a sure […]

Sue your parents (The Glass House 9/8/06)

Thursday, August 10th, 2006

An American woman is suing her parents for $183,000 after slipping on their path and breaking her ankle. Lucky it wasn’t her good ankle. Imagine how much she’d be suing for if she’d died. She’s hoping that the $183,000 might be enough to buy herself a heart. Carriel Louah slipped on her parents’ icy path […]

I’m in love with my cow (The Glass House 2/8/06)

Thursday, August 3rd, 2006

A lonely Russian farmer has asked President Putin to allow him to marry a cow. It seems world leaders must be softening on their stance towards inter-species marriage. So long as it’s not gay. “I’ve always dreamed of marrying someone, milking them every morning, and finally eating them in pepper sauce. But none of the […]

Smack your children well (The Glass House 2/8/06)

Thursday, August 3rd, 2006

A New Zealand Christian group has urged parents to smack their naughty children for up to 15 minutes a day. Regardless of what they’ve done – it’s just fun! Smacking a child for 15 minutes rids them of “sin in the heart”, as well as being plain old fun! Beat the sin out of them! […]

Oprah’s not gay (The Glass House 2/8/06)

Thursday, August 3rd, 2006

Oprah Winfrey has stated that despite rumours to the contrary she is definitely not gay. Of course she’s not gay – she just broke up with her boyfriend of 20 years! She left him because he wouldn’t commit – to the sex change operation… Oprah and her best friend of 30 years, Gayle King, say […]