Archive for November, 2006

Bambang the dog (The Glass House 22/11/06)

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

An Indonesian University student has been sentenced to almost four months jail for calling President Yudhoyono and his Vice-President “dogs” and “cat excrement”. He was given one month for being insulting, and three months for mixing his metaphors. There is an upside though; when he’s released he’s being offered a job as an Opposition speechwriter. […]

Baby toupees (The Glass House 22/11/06)

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

The latest Internet fad – baby toupees! Just because your baby spews everywhere, drools on the floor and shits their pants is no reason why you can’t humiliate them further. Just because your baby spews everywhere, drools on the floor and shits their pants doesn’t mean they can’t have nice hair. Because what are babies […]

Cruisey marriage (The Glass House 22/11/06)

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

Tom and Katie have at long last made honest people of each other and tied the knot. They had two ceremonies, a Roman Catholic one in an Italian medieval castle overlooking a lake, and a Scientologist one in a mothership overlooking their Thetans’ home planet. The Vatican were unsure whether to allow a Roman Catholic […]

We were making a fortune selling the eggs (The Glass House 22/11/06)

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

A 26 year old British woman has put her eggs up for sale on the Internet to pay off a 15,000 pound credit card debt. She got heavily into debt a few weeks ago when she bought 5000 dozen eggs. “I had a real craving!” To pay off a 15,000 pound debt, a 26 year […]

APEC costumes for Sydney 2007 (The Glass House 15/11/06)

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

Wow, these were actually credited to “Mat & Wok”! Those Glass House folks are so nice. We’re going to miss it, make no mistake… (sniff) What will the leaders be wearing at APEC next year as “traditional Australian dress”? Well, they could wear the great Aussie cozzie: But maybe it would be more tasteful to […]

Monologue T-3 and counting… (The Glass House 15/11/06)

Monday, November 20th, 2006

LAME DUCK AND DONALD DUCK It’s been a great week for democracy, freedom and all those other things George Dubya Bush keeps banging on about, when the American Democrats took control of both houses of Congress, leaving Dubya a “lame duck” President. The one upside for Bush is that being a duck almost certainly protects […]

Dead dog reporting for duty suh! (The Glass House 15/11/06)

Monday, November 20th, 2006

The German Army has called up a dead dog for National Service. It turned out to be a terrible mistake, the poor old blind Pekingese would have been completely unsuitable for the Zombie Schnauzer Squad. We’ve stumbled upon the new German war plan! Smuggle dead Pekingese dogs into enemy territory and when people innocently pat […]

Hideously Clinton (cut from Attack Ads segment – The Glass House 15/11/06)

Monday, November 20th, 2006

John Spencer, Hilary Clinton’s challenger for the Senate, allegedly said that she looked “hideous” as a young woman, and has had millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery. The Republicans are obviously getting desperate – normally they just call their opponents dirty stinkin commie bastards. / dirty treehuggin hippie scum. / normally they just reveal […]

Kazakh Bankh (The Glass House 8/11/06)

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

Still stinging from a concerted campaign of slander by Borat, Kazakstan has had another PR blow when the country’s central bank was found to have misspelt the word “bank” on its banknotes. Unfortunately this now makes them useless for buying horse’s urine, pigskins or other peoples’ daughters. The bank staff responsible said it was a […]

Hang on… Phar Lap’s dead? (The Glass House 8/11/06)

Thursday, November 9th, 2006

Studies of Phar Lap’s hair revealing arsenic has resulted in a new theory that he died when he was innocently fed a toxic cocktail of arsenic and strychnine by his trainers. I know whenever I’m thirsty, I always reach for the arsenic and strychnine – mmm… refreshing! The arsenic tonic was to enhance Phar Lap’s […]

Axed but still monologuing away (The Glass House 1/11/06)

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

CLIMATE CHANGE… YES I HAVE HEARD OF THAT COME TO THINK OF IT All aboard the climate change bandwagon! With not even enough rain to drown Al Gore in, even the Federal Government have had to admit that the planet does seem to be getting a little drier, and so have launched the world’s biggest […]

The Work Monster (The Glass House 1/11/06)

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

Social researcher Bernard Salt says that work has become “like some sick oozy liquid monster sliding into every space in our lives”. I reckon he should change jobs. Remind me not to get into social research. If he hates his job so much, the book is probably just 300 pages of him whinging. Work is […]

Kissing mice (The Glass House 1/11/06)

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

A new scientific study into the nature of kissing has revealed that it dates back at least 100 million years, when our ancestors used to secrete a pheremone and pass it on by direct contact to reveal their gender. Remember, these were the days before bikinis and budgie smugglers. / Well, it was more than […]

Ailing for their art (cut from The Glass House 1/11/06)

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

Research shows that Australia’s artists have levels of anxiety, tension and insomnia well in excess of the general population. For some reason having no job security, poor working conditions and being constantly told that they’re talentless hacks brings about anxiety. But people just don’t understand how stressful it is to paint a red square on […]