Archive for July, 2008

Governmental code of conductzzzz (Good News Week 7/7/08: A Thousand Words)

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

The Rudd Government has snuck out their long-promised code of conduct for ministerial staff, just hours before sneaking off for their winter hibernation. The code spells out 21 rules for ministerial staff to follow, though specifies no penalties. But this shouldn’t be about specifying penalties, it should be about specifying scapegoats. To try to wipe […]

Shot bears aren’t supposed to drown (Good News Week 7/7/08: Strange But True)

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

A Florida biologist has saved a wild black bear from drowning due to the effects of a tranquiliser dart. Exactly how a tranquiliser dart caused him to save a bear, is still uncertain. Adam Warwick loves nothing more than stripping off and diving into icy lakes to rescue giant carnivores. That’s why all his mates […]

Good Next Week (Good News Week 7/7/08: closing)

Thursday, July 10th, 2008

Tues, July 08 Nicole Kidman could give birth any day now, and this time she’s allowed to make noise! / her first completely human birth. Nicole Kidman is due to give birth soon. They’re hoping it’ll be a man-kid. The Australian Teachers Education conference will be held on the Sunshine Coast, confusing many of the […]

Out of web addresses (Good News Week 30/6/08: monologue)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

Oh no! The world is running out of internet addresses! By 2010 there’ll be no more addresses available on the present network and new users will have to be use the slightly older, tin-can-and-twine-ernet. / and new users will have to actually talk to each other. / and new users will have to actually talk […]

Drunk and high at work (Good News Week 30/6/08: monologue)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

A survey has found 4% of Australians went to work drunk last year, and 1.6% under the influence of drugs. Of course that figure would be closer to 90% if they counted caffeine, aspirin and Viagra. Think about that when you have a cuppa tea on your smoko… What were the rest of you doing? […]

iLectures (Good News Week 30/6/08: What’s the Story)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

Seven Australian Universities are making lectures and research available on iTunes. This way you can download a whole course and listen to them whenever you want to sleep. / and skip all your lectures at once! Not only can you download the original lectures, but funky remixes by Paul Mac and Armin van Buren! Seven […]

Spiking your petrol (Good News Week 30/6/08: What’s the Story)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

Authorities are thinking of introducing tougher measures to prevent petrol “drive-offs”, including pre-paying for all petrol or even introducing road spikes at service stations. The spikes would cost a lot to install, but you not only get all your petrol paid for, you also sell a hell of a lot more tyres. Petrol stations are […]

Bush will get his man (Good News Week 30/6/08: Perfect Match)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

George W Bush is making a renewed effort to catch Osama bin Laden before leaving office. Come on, surely he doesn’t still believe bin Laden is real. George W Bush is making a renewed effort to catch Osama bin Laden before leaving office. Because, otherwise all he leaves history is an unwinnable war and a […]

Brokeback Opera (Good News Week 30/6/08: Perfect Match)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

Brokeback Mountain is being adapted into musical form. As if it wasn’t gay enough. / It just wasn’t gay enough. Because the one complaint that the homosexual lobby had with the film version was that you couldn’t sing along. Because the unspoken bond that develops between two strong silent types will sound just fabulous in […]

Washer wang (Good News Week 30/6/08: So You Think You Can Mime)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

In Hornsby, fire rescue officers were called to the hospital to help remove 16 steel washers from a man’s penis. Ah, so that’s what washers are for. He’s obviously desperate for a screw. He had 16 steel washers removed from his penis. But he asked that they leave the rivets in his nutsack. / leave […]

Cricketing Wonderpants (Good News Week 30/6/08: Blow up your Pants)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

The New Zealand cricket team have unveiled their latest secret weapon: wonderpants! Cricket is such a cool sport. The “micro-shine” trousers are believed to contain a patch of fabric which helps the Kiwis shine the ball. They’re pants with built-in swing! The special pants not only help with your swing, they’re also quite useful when […]

Transit lane inflatables (Good News Week 30/6/08: Strange But True)

Tuesday, July 1st, 2008

Auckland drivers have been caught using blow-up dolls, mannequins and dogs dressed as children to justify driving in transit lanes. Well? The laws only require cars to have three or more occupants – and now they’re getting all pernickety and saying they have to be human. In New Zealand, drivers are using blowup dolls to […]