2005 – That Was The Year That Was The Year That Was The Year That Was 2005 (The Glass House 23/11/05)

George W Bush continued to insist that good progress is being made in Iraq. And it is, especially by the terrorist insurgents…

Australia captured their first all home-grown terrorists, and it went so well that the government are passing extra laws so they can capture whoever they like…

The Senate election makes the ALP irrelevant, Mark Latham kicks them while they’re down, and we get a new, sleeker model opposition – The Barnaby…

Americans panic after Hurricane Katrina makes them realise that they’d re-elected an incompetent racist boob.

US Vice-President Dick Cheney’s Chief Minion gets charged with leaking US secret intelligence to the press. Given the record of US Intelligence, maybe Valarie Plame isn’t actually a spy after all…

John Howard makes a secret visit to Iraq, and Peter Costello tries to cancel the return flight…

The CIA worked out that Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction, only a few years after the rest of us…

John Bolton gets knocked back for American Ambassador to the UN, and George Bush is forced to appoint Michael Bolton…

The Coalition takes control of the Senate, meaning that next time they want to go to war they might actually ask Parliament…

New sedition laws mean that “The Glass House” is still able to… no, I can’t do that joke. Nope, not that one either. Hmmm… that’s a maybe… next…um. I love the government!

Makybe Diva won her third Melbourne Cup, and many declare her to be even faster than Phar Lap. Yeah, but she’s not restricted by that glass case…

Australians fail to understand that drug-taking can damage your health. Especially if you’re taking them to Asia…

The Bush Administration phased out the term “War on Terror”, and in turn asked Al Qaeda to phase out the term “scum-sucking western infidel dogs”…

The idea that humans may have ridden around on dinosaurs is known as “Intelligent Design”, based on as much evidence as that which led to us invading Iraq…

Australia loses the Ashes, and Shane Warne loses his ash-tray…

Shane Warne resigns from one-dayers after deciding her prefers one-nighters…

Australian workers get $55 million of their hard-earned cash spent on advertising trying to convince themselves that they should make it easier for them to be sacked…

Australian workers spend $55 million failing to convince themselves that they don’t need jobs.

And in the year that wasn’t:
– The CIA admit Australia never had any weapons of mass destruction, and Iraq loses the Ashes…
– The trial of Mark Latham begins, and Saddam Hussein releases his diaries…
– Camilla Parker-Bowles destroys much of New Orleans, and Prince Charles marries Hurricane Katrina…
– Britney has a new telephone, while Russell Crowe throws baby Spears at a concierge…
– Schapelle Corby dies, while 4 kilos of marijuana is found in the Pope’s boogie board bag…
– Minke whales are declared innocent, while Japanese ships continue hunting Michael Jackson for “scientific purposes”…

Leave a Reply