Putin it Out There (GNW 24/8/09: What’s The Story?)

Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin has once again unveiled his rippling torso-muscles to the cameras. He’s Vlad the Unveiler.

Vladimir just loves to play the macho man. People are so afraid to cross him that the secret police have been freed up to do his personal bidding.

And Russians love Putin’s macho image. Every time he does something macho, his approval skyrockets – without even needing to put guns to their head!

And Russians love Putin’s macho image. Every time he does something macho, his approval skyrockets. And you should see what happens when he uses actual skyrockets!

Ahh, just imagine having a leader whose bare manly torso would fill you with pride and strength, instead of disgust and a little bit of vomit.

Inspired, Kevin Rudd will soon be posing topless in some dramatic adventure shots. Unfortunately, his idea of adventure is putting out the bins. / having a really strong latte. / scoring triple points in Scrabble.

That’s what we wanna see – Rudd the Studd! / Kevin STUDD.

During Barack Obama’s visit to Moscow last month, Putin dressed up in leathers and popped wheelies with a bikie gang called “The Night Wolves”. Finally a solution to Rudd’s woes with Australian bikies – if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!

During Barack Obama’s visit to Moscow last month, Putin dressed up in leathers and popped wheelies with a bikie gang called “The Night Wolves”. Not to be outdone, Rudd has said that next time he’s out here, Obama is welcome to have a dink on his BMX. As long as he wears a Stackhat.

He’s like a real-life James Bond, only on the side of the bad guys.

Russian women swoon at Putin, and he’s a gay icon. In fact the only people who don’t like him are straight men in Siberian salt mines.

He’s a gay icon. Not sure if it’s the bare-chested stallion riding, the dressing up in biker leathers, or the rigorous anal sex. / or the oiled-up pole dancing in tiny shorts.

He’s a gay icon. Whenever he’s stallion-riding with his rugged bare chest, it’s not just his approval rating that rises.

Yes, well, Putin’s a martial arts expert, a horse-rider, a weight-lifter, and a white-water rafter. You can’t expect the same rippling torso and manly ways from someone whose idea of a wild time is calling a summit. / an extra Iced Vovo with his Earl Grey.

Putin’s approval rating skyrockets every time he bears his chest. Whereas in Australia, our PM gets an opinion poll boost by borrowing a ute.

Putin just loves to show his macho side, whether it’s fighting judo, hunting tigers, or just invading Georgia.

Unlike most Russian leaders, Putin is actually as scary as he pretends to be.

Here he is, bare-chested, riding his noble steed – and here he is, showing a more sensitive side by feeding it, just before he had its head cut off and put in the bed of a traitor.

These days Putin’s so popular that he only has to rig elections for fun.

He’s a fit guy. He says that it’s not all the weightliftin’ or the swimmin’ or the horse-ridin’ – it’s the kremlin’.

Russian media already have shown the prime minister at the wheel of massive racing truck, shirtless on a fishing excursion, and tracking a tiger through the Siberian forest. So far they’ve avoided running any pictures of his tiny little cock.

Sure, he’s athletic, and rugged, and manly, but I’ve never seen him in a tracksuit going for a morning powerwalk.

Sure, he’s athletic, and rugged, and manly, but if an air steward gives him the wrong meat at dinner time, he just takes it like a little girlie-man.

But it’s not like Kevin Rudd is a wimpy nerdy limp-wristed bureaucrat. You give him the wrong meat for dinner, and he’s like a TIGER!

Putin is a real man’s man: a horse-rider, a black belt, a truck racer, a tiger hunter, and a dissident slaughterer! Macho!

Ah, Vladimir Putin – he’s the Chuck Norris of the East.

Putin spends so much time swimming, horse-riding, deep-sea-diving, motorbike-riding, judo-fighting and tiger-hunting that it leaves hardly any time for freedom-crushing!

(accompanied by pics)
You can get it riding,
You can get it driving,
You can get it hunting a cow,
Matter of fact I’ve got it now
A hard-edged superpower needs a big, cold leader
And the best cold leader is Vlad:
Vladimir Putin.

Finally, a way for Malcom Turnbull to get his approval rating up. Kit off and get on that horse, Turno!

Looks like the only Malcolm Turnbull is going to improve his approval rating is to strip off and jump on a brumby. And not John.

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