Don’t Fool Yourself… Scooters Kill (GNW 24/8/09: What’s The Story?)

Deaths and injuries due to mobility scooters are on the rise. Who would’ve thought that a vehicle driven almost exclusively by those close to death could have resulted in fatalities. It’s uncanny!

There have also been an alarming number of fatalities from elderly people using an alternative form of transport known as “their feet”.

The scooters have a maximum speed of 10 km per hour. But when you’re 95, that can be too much of an adrenalin rush.

It’s a tragedy. Some of these people could have lived for another 3 or 4 months!

But the danger’s what they love about them! Sure, they only go about 10 k an hour, but when you’re that old you’ve got to get ya thrills where you can.

So if you are using one of these scooters, remember – they’re not for wheelies.

The scooters have a maximum speed of 10 km per hour, which is why so many accidents are caused by being run over by impatient truckies.

They’re the perfect thing for old bikies who still want the chance to crash and burn.

But hang on – only 71 deaths in nearly ten years? Compared to normal cars, these things are like the Popemobile! / Compared to the regular road toll, these things are lifesavers!

But hang on – only 71 deaths in nearly ten years? Every year, normal cars cause over one and a half THOUSAND deaths! Sounds to me like someone’s a bit jealous he’s not old enough to drive an oldie-scooter…

Thousands of young people with their whole lives ahead of them are killed every year in regular cars, while a handful of codgers on scooters cark it a few years earlier than they otherwise would have. QUICK – we need an inquiry!

I’m not surprised they’re devoting government resources to it. They just have to save three lives a year to cause a 50% drop in the road toll.

Almost 30 people have died in Victoria alone. Although those were all while trying to do a hook turn in front of a tram in peak hour. Which can kill the best of us. / Which takes out many Victorians who are perfectly fit and healthy.

Scooters have killed 71 old people in the last ten years. These crazy modern times – whatever happened to dropsy and the plague?

Old people – they’re a menace even if you don’t equip them with wheels! / even if you give them wheels!

Accidents with scooters have been linked to 71 deaths this decade. Which is almost as many as would’ve been caused by letting them walk.

The real problem is that if only seven old folks die per year on scooters, it must be somehow preserving their lives and increasing the drain on society. Stick em back in their cars, that should thin them out.

At a top speed of 10 km per hour, the scooters don’t so much scoot as amble. / meander.

Several of the fatalities have occurred when the codgers have simply forgotten how to turn them off.

There’s a simple solution to this problem: bubble-wrap.

Many of the accidents have occurred when scooters have collided with cars or trucks. Remember, scooter-users, don’t play chicken.

Unfortunately, many of the deaths may have been deliberate, as the oldies realised how comical they looked, hunched on a silly little scooter being overtaken by the even the morbidly obese.

Unfortunately, many of the deaths may have been deliberate. Being overtaken by morbidly obese pedestrians while bumping along, hunched over and blind as a bat, can point out it’s time to go.

But the Consumer Affairs Minister has said he doesn’t want to put old people through a whole bunch of regulatory hoops. As stunts like that will no doubt lead to more deaths. / After all, the scooters aren’t even safe on flat level ground.

But the Consumer Affairs Minister has said he doesn’t want to put old people through a whole bunch of regulatory hoops. Unless they replace the scooters with dirtbikes and the hoops are on fire. THAT he wants to see!

Leave a Reply