Prostitutes vs Politicians (GNW 24/8/09: monologue)

An online survey in China has found that prostitutes are considered more trustworthy than politicians. But it’s not just in China. In fact, in Italy, the prostitutes are the best source of reliable information about politicians.

An online survey in China has found that prostitutes are considered more trustworthy than politicians. Plus they can do that thing with the ping pong ball.

An online survey in China has found that prostitutes are considered more trustworthy than politicians. And much more likely to give you a quick tug for cash.

With a prostitute, you pay your money, and get screwed. With a politician, you pay your money, it gets siphoned off to foreign dictators, spent on bombs, or used to fund first-class international jaunts, and you STILL get screwed.

At least with a prostitute, you’re expecting to be screwed.

Not only are prostitutes more straightforward and honest, they also know exactly how to deal with inflation. / how to deliver a stimulus package. / how to promote real growth.

Not only are politicians more likely to lie, they barely ever swallow. / agree when you ask to come on their tits. / agree to anal.

In Australia, though, politicians are far more trustworthy. The ones to watch out for are the Treasury officials. / the public servants called Godwin.

In Australia, though, politicians are far more trustworthy. And give great handjobs.

But of course people trust prostitutes. Otherwise they wouldn’t use them.

Of course, the main difference between prostitutes and politicians is that you don’t want your politicians to suck.

Of course people prefer prostitutes to politicians. When your politicians suck, it’s a BAD thing.

To increase their trustworthiness, Chinese politicians are now offering to “tax you long time”. / are now offering trade talks with a happy finish.

Prostitutes are the third most trusted profession in China, behind farmers and priests. I guess if you’re going to admit to being a priest in China, you must find it bloody hard to lie.

Prostitutes come just after farmers and priests. But at least they come. / At least, they sure SOUNDED like they came.

The Chinese survey said people found priests more trustworthy than prostitutes! Things sure are different in China…

Priests are the second must trusted profession in China. Which is why they’ve had to be done away with. (Farmers – you’re next!)

Two of the three most trusted professions in China are prostitutes and priests. Those Chinese sure do love their sex-workers.

The survey results were published in the government-sanctioned newspaper “China Daily”, so no-one trusts them.

Hang on – politicians are more trusted than entertainers? What sort of dirty, lying, corrupt scumbag do the Chinese think I am? And who filled them in?

Along with real estate developers, entertainers are the least trusted profession. Those actors – always pretending to be someone else.

Entertainers are the least trusted profession. Like I say, never trust someone who can ride a unicycle. / who can turn a handkerchief into a bunch of flowers. There’s no knowing what they’re capable of.

To the Chinese, the ultimate trustworthy occupation is a farming priest who you pay for sex. So it’s clear what the Dalai Lama has to do.

The Chinese trust their farmers to grow their food, trust their priests to provide their repentance, and trust their prostitutes to do things with that food that requires plenty of repenting.

However the results of the online poll are in dispute, as a survey by the Chinese government has found that politicians are the most trustworthy profession. In fact no-one who said they were untrustworthy has been able to be found since.

But politicians are still more trustworthy than real estate developers and (gulp) entertainers. Really? Do you think that all these years I’ve been lying to you?

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