The Beijing Exterminators (GNW 21/9/09: A Thousand Words)

To make for a spotless celebration of the Communist Party’s 60th Anniversary, Beijing authorities have announced plans to eliminate all pests: mosquitos, rats, flies, cockroaches, and monks. / foreign media.

Unlike Chairman Mao’s 1958 Four Pests campaign, this will only be carried out by specialists. Because obviously the amateurs didn’t get it right!

Unlike Chairman Mao’s 1958 Four Pests campaign, when the general public were encouraged to kill vermin, this time the exterminations will only be carried out by specialists. They don’t want the population accidentally having fun. / They’re worried the populace might decide the worst vermin are actually in the government. / That way, they can get rid of the human pests too.

But you don’t want to get rid of all of the pests. The people have to eat something.

They’re also hoping to wipe out Christians, Falun Gong members, and Rio Tinto.

Mao Zedong attempted to wipe out pests back in the 50s, and yet there are still lots of little mao-ze’s.

Four night-time raids have already been carried out in Tiananmen Square, all of which have been successful, except for when one tiny little rat defiantly stood in front of the disposal truck. Before it was incinerated like all the others.

But if they kill all the rats, what are they going to put in the Lemon Chicken? (Actual chickens?)

They don’t even need special vermin-killing equipment. They just use the same gear they use on the Falun Gong!

They don’t even need special vermin-killing equipment. They just use teeny weeny versions of their regular execution gear.

They don’t kill the vermin. They just use them in tiny little labour camps.

This is the fifth time Beijing’s held an anti-pest campaign. Obviously they have to focus more on border security.

It should be easy to rid Beijing of pests – you just pretend they’re dissidents. / Falun Gong members.

Sparrows were one of Chairman Mao’s original 1958 Four Pests, but have subsequently been replaced by cockroaches. They swept in to eat up the remains of all the sparrows.

Sparrows were one of Chairman Mao’s original 1958 Four Pests, but have subsequently been removed. Now they’re a delicacy.

I would’ve thought it would be easy for China to get rid of rats and bugs. Just don’t report anything about them in your media, and they never happened! / existed!

Although sparrows used to be considered vermin, they haven’t been targeted since 1958. Turns out without birds, you don’t get any birdnests. / birdnest soup.

The plan is to wipe out all vermin that have not already secured government positions.

The main problem with catching all the mosquitos, rats, flies and cockroaches is seeing them through the smog.

They’ve carried out four night-time extermination sweeps around Tiananmen Square. They’ve been killing flies just like protestors! / swatting flies like protestors! / crushing cockroaches as easily as dissidents!

China has got a lot of rats to get rid of. After all, last year was their year!

They’re going to try to completely eradicate the city of rats and keep in that way until the next Year of the Rat. Then the cycle of zodiac-sign slaughter starts again.

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