Finally, a Magnetic Flying Mouse (GNW 28/9/09: Strange But True)

Scientists have managed to make mice levitate to investigate bone loss in zero gravity environments. Obviously “making mice fly” wasn’t sciencey enough.

Levitating mice? Our cheese will never be safe again.

Flying mice? Now I’m no 50s housewife, but I reckon that’d make ME scream.

Trouble is, there’s no cheese up there.

It’s all part of the greater plan, to eventually make floating midgets. And then the world will be theirs!

The mice are pleased. It’s so much easier than trying to levitate by transcendental meditation. / by the power of their minds.

But the scientists are regretting it now. The mice keep pestering them to have another go.

The first mouse to be levitated hated it, and scrambled around until it was spinning wildly out of control. It may have been a bit of a failure science-wise, but the fairyfloss they made with it was delicious.

The first mouse to be levitated hated it, and scrambled around until it was spinning wildly out of control. Dubious science, but a piss-funny video.

It’s all part of a series of scientific experiments, called “Making Different Shit Float”.

Of course, making a mouse levitate is not the end goal. They really want to be able to do it to cats and dogs. / They really want to develop floating cheese.

Of course, they’re not really trying to make rodents float. It’s all just early research into their dream of creating real working chick-magnets.

The technique is simple – the mouse is put in a chamber and a magnetic field is applied, which lifts all of the water inside the mouse’s body, carrying the rest of the mouse screaming along with it.

The mice initially hate it, but, after getting used to it with the help of a little sedation, they assume it’s just the effects of the drugs.

The mice initially hate it, but can get used to it with the help of a little sedation. It really heightens the trip!

The mice initially hate it, but can get used to it with the help of a little sedation. And now you know why so many people who practise trancendental meditation are also permanently stoned.

The research will come in very handy for whenever we want sedated magnetic flying things.

That’s more like it, scientists! Now, quick – hovershoes, robot maids and lightsabers!

Next the scientists are working on how to saw mice in half and put them back together, and how to make them materialise out of a hat.

The scientists are calling them moustronauts. / are calling the process “transrodental magneditation.”

Scientists have previously levitated live frogs and bugs, but this was the first time they managed to get levitating whiskers. / to levitate something with whiskers.

Scientists say that the aerial mice will be our best defence against stampeding elephants.

After just a few hours, the mice were able to acclimate to their new state, eating and drinking normally. Though of course they also had to levitate their food. / Yes, as normally as any other FLOATING SPACE-MOUSE!

The research is an important step towards levitating humans, so that at last we can all fly away.

The scientists say there’s no way we’ll see flying humans. Huh – pigs might fly! / The scientists say they’re not moving on to larger animals, and that pigs will fly before pigs will fly.

It’s a pretty cool trip for the mouse, but it’s a hell of a come down.

The process works by magnetically lifting all the water-particles inside the mouse. It’s a sad fact that sultanas will never float. / that we’ll never see levitating toast.

The scientists are pretty sure that if they levitate enough mice, they’ll work out how to cure cancer. / reverse the Greenhouse Effect.

The process works by magnetically lifting all the water-particles inside the mouse. One day, we’ll be able to swim around inside globs of floating water. To get inside, we just dive up!

Of course, the science isn’t really just about making mice float. It’s all part of the noble scientific quest to eventually make the world’s fluffiest souffle.

However, many scientific funding bodies believe the project is useless, and are withdrawing their funding. For now, the future of the project is up in the air.

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