Uranium Attracts Aliens (GNW 28/9/09: Strange But True)

South Australian organisation UFOSA has pleaded for BHP Billiton’s Olympic Dam uranium mining expansion to cease, claiming that uranium mining can lead to “intervention by alien UFO intelligences” and the “extinction of people as a species”. Yeah, sure. They just want us to stop making nukes so we’re defenceless against the aliens.

South Australian organisation UFOSA has pleaded for BHP Billiton’s Olympic Dam uranium mining expansion to cease, claiming that uranium mining can lead to “intervention by alien UFO intelligences” and the “extinction of people as a species”. But it’ll take a lot more than just not mining uranium to keep us from wiping ourselves out. That’s our specialty!

They believe that uranium mining can attract aliens. It’s all the delicious yellowcake.

They believe that uranium mining can attract aliens. They just love watching us wiping ourselves out.

It’s not the mining so much that attracts the aliens – it’s just a great treat for them to watch a planet preparing itself for flambe.

It’s known that alien intelligences are heavily opposed to uranium mining. UFO sighters have noticed, on the blurry smudge flickering through the sky, the distinct impression of an anti-Jabiluka sticker. / a “no nukes” sticker.

It’s not that alien intelligences are opposed to uranium mining. They just always insist on bargain prices. (And it’s hard to argue with someone who’s holding a probe.)

The aliens refuse to deal with any species that digs up uranium. That’s why they never buzz wombats.

Uranium mines attract extraterrestrials, like flowers attract bees. Of course, the main difference is that aliens have probes instead of stingers, they don’t fly with wings, and the honey they make totally obliterates puny earthling toast.

Aliens don’t want us digging up any uranium. They need it to build more probes.

Aliens don’t care about earthling uranium. They pull theirs direct from Uranus.

UFOSA says that it would be far preferable for BHP to use Olympic Dam to mine copper. This could then be used to repair the warp coils and send the aliens home.

The aliens are outraged – we’re not complying with the Intergalactic Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty!

According to the Intergalactic Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, the only species allowed to have nukes are the Xambions, the Phloodlequangs and the Tumdumpelopes of Krang.

We really should be concentrating on solar and wind power. They don’t attract aliens – they attract pixies and faeries!

For aliens, watching us mining uranium is just like when we pass a car crash – they can’t help but have a look, and tut. / and shake their heads.

Mining uranium attract aliens. Which is probably better than attracting al Qaida.

UFOSA are made up of a diverse group of individuals: black, white, yellow and a greeny-grey.

But if nuclear mining is going to cause aliens to intervene and try to make us extinct, there’s clearly one thing we’re going to need. Nukes.

The aliens are actually weapons inspectors from the United Galaxies. And unless we disarm, they will respond with tough sanctions! (OK, and a few probes.) / And they say we should disarm, or we’ll face a campaign of Shock and Probe. / Probe and Awe.

We should listen to the wisdom of the aliens, stop digging uranium, and let them get back to their cattle mutilation in peace.

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