Dumpster love mugging (GNW 28/9/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

Aa middle-aged couple in Kansas have been robbed while sharing “a tender moment in a rubbish bin”. The robbery ruined their life-long dreams of making love in a skip filled with rubbish. But it did fulfill their life-long dreams of being robbed while making love in a skip filled with rubbish. So that’s nice.

Two thieves made off with shoes, jewellery and the man’s wallet. It was much better than the plastic bags and dog food they usually score.

Sure, the dumpster might’ve been filthy, but you should see his bed.

Shoes, jewellery and cash? That’s got to be the dumpster-thief’s jackpot.

After all those years of dumpster-raiding, they finally scored themselves a couple of discarded people.

The thieves threatened them with a pocket knife. Either the couple handed over all their money and jewels, or the thieves would take something out of a horse’s hoof. / would scale a fish. / would scale a fish, open a bottle, and take something out of a horse’s hoof.

After losing their money, jewels and shoes, the couple decided they might as well settle down in the dumpster.

The thieves didn’t intend to rob them, but dammit, the couple was mussing up their bed.

But what pissed the couple off the most is that the wallet contained their condoms.

Once their wallets were stolen, the couple had no condoms. Luckily, the dumpster was full of old glad wrap, banana peels and fishguts.

The thieves took their shoes. They weren’t robbing them so much, as just lending them a helping hand in getting undressed.

The best thing about getting jiggy in a skip full of rubbish is the dirty talk. / is you can be as dirty as you like.

The robbers didn’t just steal the guy’s wallet, but his erection too.

When you’re 44 and you choose to get it on in a skip full of rubbish, you’ve got more problems than just being robbed.

But it was only fitting. After all, they were trailer trash. / white trash.

You know what they say: if love can bloom in a dumpster, it’s for keeps.

Bin there, done that.

The robbers hadn’t intended on robbing anyone, but were pissed off the couple had stolen their secret rooting place. / had found their secret love-nest.

The thieves weren’t surprised. Dumpsters are full of all sorts of things breeding.

The couple just loved to get down and dumpstery.

In Wichita, Kansas, a couple were robbed at pocket-knife-point while engaged in an intimate moment in a dumpster. Actually, the robbery was the sexiest part.

After their dumpster-love was ruined by robbery, they had more rubbish dumped on top of them before having the dumpster pushed down a hill and smashed into a wall, breaking several bones. But boy, did it make them hot. / turn them on.

And if you’ve ever been to Wichita, Kansas, you might understand why a dumpster looks so sexy.

So, lovebirds, if you’re hoping to escape attention, a rocking and moaning dumpster may not be the best way.

Next time, the couple will just stay home and make love in the privacy of their own rubbish bins.

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