Commonwealth Clothing Ceremony (The Glass House 22/3/06)

Performers in Sunday’s Commonwealth Games are being asked to dress like “regular Melburnians”. Most of them will be wearing the same ghoulish pale faces that they wore to the opening ceremony. That wasn’t makeup, folks.

Most people will wear a T-shirt and shorts. Plus a jacket and trakky daks for when it gets cold. And better bring a parka just in case.

Most of the participants have decided to wear their dressing gown, stay home and watch it on telly.

“Okay, I’ve got my footy scarf… jumper… beanie… now where’s my novelty oversized hand?”

Everyone will be in footy scarves, jumpers and beanies… after all, Melbourne is the cultural capital of Australia…

Shorts for the heat, raincoat for the showers, sunnies for the blinding sunshine, and an umbrella to keep you dry.

With all that black, they’d better not hold the ceremony at night or you won’t see anything!

Melburnians protesting the Games will have to come dressed as Sydneysiders.

Johnny will come dressed in his tracksuit. And the Queen in hers.

You’re asked to bring your own clothes – and your own fireworks, if possible; oh, and it’d be great if you brought your own royals, medals, athletes and stadium. Budget’s pretty tight. Oh, and if you’ve a spare closing ceremony lying around, that’d be great…

They’re just to dress as “ordinary Melburnians”, riding flying trams over the river of giant fish. Don’t forget your duck!

Mr Walsh said everyday clothes are fine. Well, mostly fine, with occasional showers later in the day.

The national anthem is also going to be replaced by You’re Going Home In The Back Of A Divvy Van.

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