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Mel’s record wiped (GNW 12/10/09: Giving Headline)

Mel Gibson has had his 2006 drink-driving conviction wiped from his criminal record. So I guess that means his rant about “f-ing Jews… being responsible for all the wars in the world” is now regarded to have been sober and considered.

But don’t worry, the incident hasn’t been wiped from the court of public opinion.

Not only has Gibson had his record wiped, but the cop who arrested him is off to the ovens.

If only they could so easily wipe away the Lethal Weapon series. / that Mad Max mullet.

Clearly the judge wasn’t one of those damn Jews.

Now he’s got no drink-driving record, he can get as hammered as he likes!

He’s had his drink-driving charge erased, but he can never erase his drink-directing. C’mon – you think Braveheart was directed by a sober man? / does it look like Braveheart was directed sober?

He doesn’t drink at all now. Although he sure does attend a hell of a lot of mass.

He’s a teetotaller now. Although he accepts the eucharist by the caskload.

He still insists he wasn’t drunk. He was just Mad!

The judge took only 90 seconds to wipe his record. He wanted it to be nice and clean for the court hearing.

The judge took just 90 seconds to wipe the conviction, as he was not on probation or facing any similar charges. These days, Mel never makes drunken racist rants near police.

The judge not only overturned Mel’s drink-driving charge, but also said he didn’t see what was so offensive about blackface.

Mel was thrilled to get the conviction overturned, and celebrated with three bottles of scotch and a spin in the last of the V8 Interceptors.

Mel attended Alcoholics Anonymous for four and a half months. Well, Alcoholic Celebrities, anyway.

Mel attended Alcoholics Anonymous for four and a half months. Although it’s hard being anonymous when everyone recognises you from your blockbuster movies.

Mel attended Alcoholics Anonymous for four and a half months. To make sure he remained anonymous, he turned up as “Mel X”, and wore really large sunnies. / a hat.

Mel attended Alcoholics Anonymous for four and a half months. And as any alcoholic knows, four and a half months is plenty.

Mel attended Alcoholics Anonymous for four and a half months. It was the same anonymous group of people that was attended by Amy Smithhouse and David Smithlehoff. / Hasselsmith.

But Mel had already wiped the conviction. He took care of it with a week-long bender.

Mel said he’s glad the conviction was wiped, but he also wanted his fine refunded, and his time in rehab lost in an alcoholic haze.

Mel thought it was only fair that it was wiped from the official record, as it was wiped from his memory long ago. / as the event never actually happened, and was only ever part of the Jewish conspiracy to discredit him as the true son of God, where’s my scotch.

Mel wasn’t even required to attend the hearing. Which is lucky, as he was maggotted. / off his face.

Mel wasn’t even required to attend the hearing. Which is lucky, as the place was swarming with Jews.

We don’t need another hero – and he’s the perfect man for the job.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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