Coitus Arrestus (GNW 26/10/09: Strange But True)

A Northern Territory couple were sprung having sex in the back of a paddy wagon while being taken to a cop station. You’re getting to home in the back of a divvy van!

They were arrested for drunk-and-disorderly behaviour, or as they called it, getting to second base.

“You’re going down in the back of a divvy van…”

Well, it’s less public than where they were planning to have sex.

You’ll never believe it, but they were arrested for being DRUNK. No, really?

A couple has been caught having sex in the back of a paddy wagon while being driven to the police station. I know nothing gets me going more than the thought of being trapped behind bars with a tattooed guy named Spider.

They were really turned on by the thought of all the prison sex.

Being chucked into the the divvy van got them excited, but what really turned them on was the cavity search.

Who do you have to get arrested by for a bit of privacy around here?

They’re lucky they didn’t feel a cop cop a feel.

She just can’t resist a bad boy.

They were subsequently arrested for not wearing their seat belts, setting off a perpetual arrest cycle.

The 18-year-old driver behind them noticed the couple pashing at one set of lights, and screwing at the next. She then followed the paddy wagon, hoping to get a good shot for Funniest Home Videos.

It was just a quickie. After all, the sign did say “speed hump”.

The police officer driving didn’t make any attempt to stop them. After all, it was HOT HOT HOT. / He didn’t want to ruin the video. / He didn’t want to ruin the CCTV footage.

The officer said to them “you’ll have to come with me”, so they did.

It gives a whole new meaning to “coming with police”.

It was the cop’s fault really, with all that talk of stiff fines, rigorous prosecution, and hot throbbing vulva.

The two have now been remanded in custody. At least, it had the consistency of custard. / Well, it looked pretty custard-y. / Although it may have been semen-y.

A couple having sex in the back of the van was one place the long arm of the law wasn’t game to go.

The policeman claims he didn’t even notice they were having sex, he was too busy masturbating. / The paddy wagon driver said he was unable to prevent them from having sex as he hadn’t finished beating off.

Of course, once he got them to the station, it became an all-out orgy.

They only decided on the divvy van sex after a few divvy van bongs.

They only decided on having sex in the paddy wagon when they got bored of graffitiing it.

The back of a paddy wagon is about the only place you can break the law these days without a cop looking over your shoulder.

They would’ve had sex earlier, but until then they hadn’t found anywhere they could shoot up.

Ah, I love it. It’s great when the long arm of the law is defeated by the sweaty sex meat of the human spirit! / by the stinky wet slapping flesh of young love.

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