Nasal Brazilian (GNW 26/10/09: Strange But True)

Brazilian waxing is now being offered in a whole new place – your nostrils. It’s called getting a Nazilian.

Although without nasal hair, you’ve got no protection against dust and colds. So your unsightly nasal hair will be replaced by a far more attractive snot moustache.

You can easily tell people who’ve had the nasal-hair-removing treatment. They’re the ones with a sticky river of snot oozing down into their mouths. / They’re the ones with their noses clogged with expensive wax.

It can stop you having a visible panting line. / hanky line.

It’s actually just a revival of an old technique, dating back at least as far as Hitler.

You can either go a full Nazilian, or leave yourself a little muff-stache.

Some people like the full nasal Brazilian, but most prefer to leave a little tuft in each nostril.

It’s the perfect way to encourage your partner to try nasal sex.

The procedure’s not only painless, it’s also bloody stupid.

It’s the perfect way to show your partner that you’re a superficial egomaniac with low self-esteem.

It’s the best way to get a smooth and silky pick.

And unlike the standard Brazilian, you can show it off all-day, every day.

After all, nothing’s worse than when you get a nostril hair stuck in the back of your throat.

After all, nothing’s worse than when you’re getting intimate with a special someone and you get your fly caught on her nostril hair. / and she gets her nostril hair caught on your zipper.

It not only gives you a nice smooth nostril, but you get to wear goggles that make you look even more like an android.

And at the end of the procedure you have snotty-wax on a stick.

Though you do have to do it regularly. Nostril stubble is gross. / can shred your picking-finger.

It’s pain-free and only costs ten bucks. The only thing tweezers have over waxing is that you can use them to imitate a crocodile.

And best of all, they use your old nostril-wax to make personalised meals for the Prime Minister.

It’s all part of a trend towards hairlessness. Understandably, people want to be reptiles.

Fundamentalists are especially keen to get plucked. They want to remove any last trace of anything that could remind them they might be related to monkeys.

It’s all part of a trend towards hairlessness. Clearly, we think it’s really attractive to look like an embryo.

But, for a perfect sensual experience, wax your head, cut off your eyelashes, and get your teeth and nails pulled out. Mmm-mmmm! / HOTT!

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