Madonna’s neighbours (GNW 26/10/09: Clash Of The Titans)

Madonna is the subject of a lawsuit being brought by her neighbours who have been forced to listen to her rehearsing. They’re suing the manager of the apartment block, since the judge is less likely to own any of his albums. / since they refuse to sue Madonna. She’s the greatest!

Madonna has defended herself, saying, “Whatever. I’m Madonna.”

Madge says, “I shouldn’t have to Justify My Love for Music, you’re allowed to Express Yourself, This Used To Be My Playground, but now they’ve Frozen out this Material Girl, so Papa, Don’t Preach, get Into The Groove or go on Holiday!”

The neighbours are retaliating by cranking up “The Immaculate Collection” to remind her how much better she used to be.

Apparently it’s so loud, they can’t even listen to their Madonna albums.

But surely a lawsuit isn’t the way to go. The neighbours could be selling tickets! / Sell your apartment for a fortune to a rabid fan and let Madge deal with the drillholes in the wall.

They’re objecting to all the loud bangings and vocalisations. I mean, it’s bad enough when she’s playing loud music. / And it’s even worse when she plays loud music.

Not only are there loud bangings and vocalisations at all hours of the night, but sometimes she’s even playing music.

And quite frankly they’re sick of having to hear her granny-vadge rasping around in those leotards. / putting up with having to see a granny in leotards. / having to see her old dry cameltoe around the building.

Even worse is the unavoidable glimpses of cellulite squeezing into leotard. / wrinkles squeezing into leotard.

The managers of the apartment block have already threatened Madonna with eviction. If she’s not careful, she might be forced to stay at one of her other multi-million dollar penthouses. Poor thing.

The managers of the apartment block have already threatened Madonna with eviction. If by “threatened” you mean “meekly approached”, and if by “eviction” you mean “cringing apology”.

The managers of the apartment block have already threatened Madonna with eviction. If by “threatened” you mean “well, we called her apartment but no-one answered”, and if by “eviction” you mean “I hope she likes roses, maybe another dozen just to make sure”.

It’s bad enough that they have to listen to her rehearse. But they’re really afraid that her bras will take out a kiddie’s eye.

One neighbour said that if he had to hear Madonna rehearse, she could at least let them see her rehearse another pash with Britney.

Upstairs neighbour Karen George says that with up to three hours a day of Madonna’s blaring and thumping, it’s almost impossible to listen to her death metal. / practice her drumming.

You know what they say – never meet your heroes. They might rehearse for three hours a day on your roof. / under your floor.

Managers of the block have asked Madonna for a rehearsal schedule so other residents could be notified, and they could sell tickets.

Complaints have been particularly strong from a British man who only identified himself as “Guy R.”

Still, at least she’s not forcing them to watch her dance. BLEAURGH.

Leave a Reply