Good News Italy (GNW 26/10/09: A Thousand Words)

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is taking his media control to the world, setting up a taskforce to monitor foreign news and bombard global newsrooms with good news about Italy. But doesn’t he realise? The sex scandals ARE good news – we all want a leader we can laugh at!

Silvio’s planning to spread good news about Italy to the rest of the world. As if we’re going to report that… now, back to the hookers.

But it’s going to have to be pretty entertaining news to replace the hookers.

He may not like newspapers reporting on his sexual exploits or his impotence, but at least it gets him talked about. Kevin Rudd’s impotence never makes the world papers.

Sure, he sleeps with underage hookers – yet the damn media still insists on portraying him as some kinda dirty old pervie!

But the world’s media isn’t anti-Italian – it’s anti-Silvio-Berlusconi.

From now on, the media will only report stories of when Silvio does something to make the country proud. They’re confident it’ll happen one day.

But there’s lots of great news about Italy that the media should be reporting. What about that Colosseum, huh? That’s a bloody wonder of the world, yet the media doesn’t say a word about it. CONSPIRACY!

But there’s lots of great news about Italy that the media should be reporting. What about spaghetti, huh? It’s DELICIOUS!

The special squad of propaganda journalists will inundate global news services with good news about Italy… when there IS some.

Silvio doesn’t understand why the world’s media seems obsessed with his sex scandals and legal woes when there’s barely a peep about it in any of the Italian media that he owns.

Berlusconi insists there’s plenty of good news in Italy, as any media outlet he owns will tell you.

Berlusconi insists there’s plenty of good news in Italy. Well, there is if you’re a filthy rich media-baron Prime Minister.

If only the international media would pay less attention to Silvio’s sexual peccadillos and more to his achievements. Which we thought were the same thing.

But with the whole world talking about how much sex Silvio gets, it’s hard to know what he considers a good news story.

The Tourism Minister says that media attacks on Berlusconi are affecting exports and “we cannot allow that”. And they wouldn’t, if only they’d won World War 2.

Berlusconi can control the media at home, but his foreign image is in tatters. It’s exactly the same problem that confronted Mussolini. / the Fascists.

But if it wasn’t for the adventures of Silvio’s wang, we wouldn’t even hear about Italy.

It seems like every global media story about Italy lately has been focussed on the Prime Minister’s sex scandals and legal troubles. Haven’t they heard about the new pasta sauce? / It’s almost like they don’t care about Milan’s soccer results. / When there are so many hot Italian chicks they could be distracted by. / And yet there’s such fascinating tax reform taking place.

The plan was announced by the Tourism Minister, Michela Vittoria Brambilla, a former beauty contestant. And she says the good news is that the cabinet is just chockers with beauties like her! Coincidentally.

Ms Brambilla is living proof of the glory of Italy, a country where even former beauty contestants can make a decent living. / where even their politicians have to be hot.

Of course, if he wants us to report some more positive news from Italy, maybe he should stop being such a pervy old rootrat.

Australia could do with a similar campaign. After all, the only things foreigners have heard about us lately is that we beat up Indians and dress up as gollywogs.

Kevin Rudd’s also hoping to improve Australia’s image on the world stage, by planting stories in the media suggesting that he does occasionally have sex. (And sometimes, it’s not even missionary! WOOF WOOF!)

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