It Beggars Belief (GNW 26/10/09: monologue)

The Northern Territory has proposed fining people six and a half thousand dollars for begging. And with the begging they’ll need to do to afford the fines, they’ll soon be in debt to the tune of millions.

To afford the fines, some beggars may need to close their businesses, or at least lay off some staff. / shut down some of their branches.

Beggars say it’s not a big deal. They’ll add it to the tab.

Beggars say it’s not a big deal. They’ll just get their lawyers onto it.

Not only will beggars be hit with a 6 and a half thousand dollar fine, but the homeless will be sprayed with a hose, and anyone caught down on their luck will be punched in the face.

“Scuse me mate, could you spare a coupla grand for a begging ticket?” / for a quick beg?”

“Scuse me mate, could you spare a coupla grand? I haven’t begged for days!”

Even if they were begging for fun initially, they’re certainly going to need to beg afterwards.

It sure has made for a better class of beggar.

So the eager pollies think a bigger begger levy makes the beggars bugger off, but the bitter beggars think the pollies’ levy’s folly, and want the pollies to be better to the beggars and their trolleys – it’s a “bitter begger battle with the eager beaver pollies and their bigger begger levy silly folly” kinda day.

Police will probably feel cruel writing out the ticket, and are expected to give them a couple of bucks first out of pity. / to double their contribution.

The fines will help the government fund a squad of people who can go around kicking the homeless. / shooting homeless people.

The fines will help the government fund their annual culling of the homeless.

Such a shame. Most beggars are saving that $6500 for a round-the-world trip.

So beggars, be careful, or your round-the-world trip could end up being in economy.

But any decent beggar should be able to escape the charges, at least if they’re good at begging for mercy.

The government says they’ll spend any money raised by giving it to beggars. It’s a primitive form of social security. / Swings and roundabouts.

The government says they’ll spend the money raised on art and theatre. So at least it’s going back to the beggars.

The Northern Territory Chief Minister earlier this year said that a plan to impose a $130 fine to people begging in Alice Springs “beggars belief”. So beggars – believe it.

The fine will apply to all forms of begging – except for people who are begging to be re-elected, in which case they’ll be given thousands of dollars in support.

Leave a Reply