Glass House

Swiss living is the best (The Glass House 19/4/06)

A new survey of the world’s best cities has ranked Swiss cities Zurich and Geneva as numbers one and two. The survey ranked cities by a number of different factors, including the quality of their chocolate and the number of holes in their cheese.

Switzerland scored well for its strong internal stability and excellent relationships with other countries. See, it’s good to be neutral. Well, it’s neutral, anyway.

Switzerland scored well for their political neutrality. Swiss people were said to have found the survey results neither good nor bad.

The Swiss rated highly for their low levels of crime. Well, it’s hard to hold someone up with one of those Swiss Army Knives – you’re just as likely to pull out a magnifying glass. Or one of those things for scaling fish.

Switzerland’s banking services were also highly rated. Particularly by international criminal masterminds.

Melbourne, who have long bragged about being judged the world’s most liveable city, came in 17th. That duck thing has really hurt them.

Baghdad was adjudged the city with the lowest quality of life. And the lowest quantity of life too.

Apparently Baghdad lost marks for shortages of public transport, shortages of public education, and shortages of limbs.

Honolulu was rated highest amongst American cities. It scored highly for being so far away from all the other American cities…

Switzerland may be a great place to live, but where’s their Big Pineapple, eh?

What is there not to love about Aussie cities? Sure we’ve got no workplace security, no money for schools and hospitals, corrupt warmongering government – but how about the beaches? / but what about the Big Merino? / but we’ve got Phar Lap! / but what about thongs? / but we’ve got John Wood!

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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