CPR Dog (GNW 9/11/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

The RSPCA animal achievement award has been given to a Queensland dog who thumped her owner’s chest to rouse him after he’d suffered a massive heart attack. Jim Touzeau doesn’t know if he was actually resuscitated, or just frightened back to life.

Sure, the CPR helped, but what really brought him round was the mouth to mouth.

The dog was very pleased to receive the medal, and immediately buried it in the backyard.

The dog was very pleased to receive the medal, and immediately put it in the cabinet next to its silver Logie and its Nobel Peace Prize.

Of course the dog wasn’t actually trying to revive the man – he was tenderising him.

The RSPCA animal achievement award has been given to a Queensland dog who thumped her owner’s chest to rouse him after he’d suffered a massive heart attack. Although the award was actually given for her research paper. / Although the award was actually given for her work on the enzymatic mechanism underlying the biosynthesis of adenosine triphosphate.

It wasn’t just the canine CPR that was remarkable, but the fact that she was barking “Stat!” / “Clear!”

It wasn’t just the canine CPR that was remarkable, but the fact she drove the ambulance. / operated the defibrillator.

The dog as actually just being selfish. She needs someone to throw the stick. / Sticks don’t throw themselves, you know. / But once she masters the can-opener, he’s history.

Canine CPR isn’t that big a leap. After all, they love giving mouth-to-mouth.

To make sure her owner was revived, cattle dog Teka followed up her CPR with a quick burst of mouth-to-arse.

Of course the dog wasn’t actually trying to revive the man – it was just time for walkies.

Teka was given an achievement award and has been nominated for a Purple Cross medal. Because if there’s one thing a dog really appreciates, it’s an inedible hunk of metal.

The dog helped revive him by pounding on his chest with its paws, barking loudly into his face, and cracking him open to devour his delicious marrow.

The dog has received an achievement award and has been nominated for a Purple Cross medal, while the ambulance officers who helped him have received a big juicy bone.

It’s the first recorded instance of CPArf.

Unfortunately Teka completely screwed up the tourniquet.

Of course, if he hadn’t’ve woken up, Teka would’ve just taken him and buried him for later.

Teka was awarded both the RSPCA’s animal achievement award, and her first aid badge for doggy scouts.

Now if she can just get her sling-tying skills sorted out, she’ll finally get her First Aid certificate.

Teka was awarded the RSPCA’s animal achievement award, which she accepted gratefully by pissing on it.

It wasn’t really that heroic. She was just playing corpse-trampoline. / She just loves playing corpse-jump.

Teka was awarded the RSPCA’s prestigous animal achievement award. It’s a bone with a bit of ribbon tied to it.

Ph. Animal achievement awards. They’re just patronising, aren’t they boy? Yes they are, yes they are…

Ph. Animal achievement awards. Can’t compete with proper people eh?

Teka was very pleased with the medal. Now she’s trying to work out a way to get master to collapse again.

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