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Drunk Driving Breathalyser (GNW 9/11/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

In Ohio, an 18-year-old who went to a Halloween costume dressed as a breathalyser, was arrested for drink-driving. It’s what’s known as asking for trouble.

James Miller blew 0.158, but he said it was unfair, as he was only reading 0.02.

The man’s blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit. Clearly, a bunch of very drunk people had been blowing into him all night.

He was so drunk he didn’t realise he was wearing a costume – he actually thought he was a breathalyser.

He wouldn’t have drunk nearly so much if he’d known his readout was broken.

So he obviously had no luck with his cunning plan of swapping places with the actual breathalyser.

Turns out he had a very good idea of what was scary at Halloween.

Police suspected he was drunk when they found him driving the wrong way down a one-way street. And were even more sure when they asked him to blow into the straw and he replied “Oh yeah? You blow into THIS straw!”

When the cops asked him to blow into their bag, he asked them to blow into his. And that’s why he got an extra charge.

They’re just lucky he didn’t dress as a beer. / He’s just lucky he didn’t dress as a beer, or he’d be in a coma.

They let him go when it turned out that he wasn’t drunk-driving at all. It was a couple of mates dressed as a speeding car.

He wasn’t drunk – that dangerous driving was just part of the costume.

As far as dress-ups go, he said he was strictly a method-actor.

He wasn’t drunk – he was just dressed up as a drunk person, who was dressed up as a breathalyser, who was dressed up as a hooning car! It’s all a big misunderstanding!

Turned out the cops were actually just dressed up as policemen! Unfortunately for Mr Breathalyser, they were also actual policemen.

Weirdly enough, the cops who pulled him over were dressed as 2 dozen beers.

His choice of costume suggests he clearly intended on becoming very very very drunk that evening. Unless he just happened to go to the costume shop and all they had left was a giant breathalyser costume.

Turns out it wasn’t a costume at all. The cops had just taken too much Halloween acid.

He wore the costume just to see how many chicks he could get to blow into his nozzle. / wrap their lips around his inflation tube.

A breathalyser was an unusual Halloween costume, but he’s long been haunted by them.

Police were certainly scared by his costume. The breathalyser coming to life is one of their worst nightmares.

He’s only chose the costume after what happened last Halloween, when he got pulled over by a vampire. / a gruesome ghoul.

That settles it. Next year he’s going as a hot chick. (In the hope he’ll end up blowing into her.)

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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