Categories
Good News Week

Telstra stops making you pay to pay (GNW 9/11/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

Telstra had introduced a $2.20 fee for paying bills at the post office, but scrapped it after being told it was unfair and cruel. So they now have introduced a “cruelty fee” instead. You know, so it’s all above board.

Telstra had introduced a $2.20 fee for paying bills at the post office, but scrapped it after being told it was unfair and cruel. Next people will be saying that about their “you’re an arsetard” fee.

Paying cash should not be punishable. But they will still charge you extra if you pay in conch shells. / trinkets.

It’s like telcos don’t want us to pay in cash. Which is why I pay all my bills in trinkets and kind words.

Telstra have axed the $2.20 fee they were charging customers to pay their bills in person or by mail. In return, customers have agreed to stop charging their account closure fees.

Receiving cash is such a hassle. It takes ages to convert it into phantom numbers.

After all, how can they promote themselves as a high-tech company if they still have to deal with webless luddites?

Telstra said that people didn’t really mind the fee for not paying online. Their complaints web page was hardly used!

It had become difficult to administer. Every time someone paid cash, they had to charge them another fee. Which they paid in cash… etc… All it took was some particularly prompt payers to bring down their computer system.

You’re giving me MONEY? What do you expect me to do with that? / I’m sorry, that’s going to cost you.

Poor and elderly people are disadvantaged by the fee, as they’re less likely to have internet access to pay off their iPhone bills. / internet access bills.

But then they’re just the sort of losers they’re trying to get rid of.

They claimed they were charging the extra money to encourage people to save paper. But if they really wanted to save paper, they could just make their bills SMALLER.

Other telcos are still charging their customers extra for paying their bills in cash. But they’re willing to waive that fee if you get your forehead stamped with their Mark of the Beast. It’s simple!

Consumer choice advocates had pushed for the fees to be removed. Poor and elderly people would’ve done it themselves, but they’d had their phone cut off.

Consumer choice advocates say the fees disadvantage the poor and elderly. But telcos quite rightly point out that it’s often the only money they get from those no-friends losers.

When will people just get internet banking or die?

Telstra said if people wanted to complain about the fee for not paying online, they should have visited Telstra’s Facebook page.

Other telcos are now having to work out whether they will ditch similar fees. Or just charge them to Telstra.

Various telcos are charging fees for receiving a paper bill, paying the bill in person, by mail, or by credit card. But there’s absolutely no fee if you allow them to run all your bank accounts. / if you pay from the bank account of a Telstra senior executive.

So-called “billing fees” are just offensive. Getting a bill is not a “service” – it’s a frigging PAIN IN THE ARSE.

Billing fees are absolutely insane. “Give me some money – and for that privilege, I’m going to charge you extra.”

We’re lucky they’re not charging us extra for paying their billing fees.

“I’m sorry, you paid us the correct amount of money for the service we gave you. So you have to pay us extra now. Standard procedure.”

With “billing fees”, we’re paying companies to let us pay them. I’ve got an idea – if it costs them so very much to tell us how much we owe them, how about they just don’t tell us, and we take a punt. And if we’re off by a few hundred dollars, we can just call it a “customer fee”.

I’m thinking of introducing my own “payment fee”. I’ll charge that to companies every time I pay a bill. But if they want it in writing, they’re going to have to pay extra!

The train companies love the idea. Now it’s going to be free to get on a train, but you’ll have to buy a ticket to get off.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

Leave a Reply