Kids Off The Booze (GNW 23/11/09: 12 Months in 7 Seconds)

The Australian Drug Foundation has called for new penalties for adults found to be supplying drinks to boozing adolescents.  Any adult giving a teen more than two standard drinks will be grounded.

The ADF says one in three teenagers are binge-drinking at “harmful levels”, since that is, of course, the whole point.

The ADF says one in three teenagers are binge-drinking at “harmful levels”, which they describe as any level which artificially blocks out any of the natural agony of being a teen.

There’s been a call for parents to be banned from providing “excessive” amounts of alcohol to their adolescent children.  This is shocking news!  I had no idea there was an excessive amount of alcohol.

There’s been a call for parents to be banned from providing “excessive” amounts of alcohol to their adolescent children.  But how are our kiddies meant to get themselves laid?

Parents said they would control their adolescents’ drinking habits better, but they were really hungover. / were still pissed from the night before.

How are kids meant to learn healthy drinking habits when their parents are binge-drinking pissheads?  Not a joke, just an observation.

Of course, “excessive” is different from person to person.   For some people it’s when they start slurring their words, for others it’s when they’re stark naked, shitting in hotel corridors.

Apparently, if you’re squatting stark naked in a hotel corridor, laying a fat steaming cable on their nice carpet, you’ve had too much to drink.

We need a national overhauling of binge-drinking laws.   A great way to start is to remove the alcohol content of all alcoholic drinks.  Then the kiddies can drink as much as they like!  Am I a genius or what?

But stopping our teenagers from drinking is just dangerous.  How are they ever going to get good at it if we don’t let them practise?

Of course, our very own PM was so pissed once he doesn’t even remember causing trouble at a stripclub.  So really, drink up little kiddies – one day, you could be leader of the land.  (AND get to ogle lots of boobs!)

The Drug Foundation has spent the year redefining binge-drinking to be anything over two standard drinks.  Or what most Aussies call a “loosener”.

The Australian Drug Foundation calls anything over two standard drinks “harmful”.  Their office Christmas party ought to be a real blast. / Their Christmas party will be low-alcohol, but fortunately someone’s got the keys to the samples cupboard. / Particularly at their Christmas party – it can lead to cracking open the samples cupboard.

So this year at the office Christmas party, try to remember, a photocopier can give your arse cancer.

But it’s true, two drinks can be harmful, particularly if you then accidentally watch one of those anti-drinking ads.

Are we really a bunch of drunken pissheads?  Or is the dry spell just making us thirsty?

We’re not a nation of boozing piss-heads.  We’re just a bit parched.

Adults will be fined for providing alcohol to teenagers.  So they’re going to have to steal it.

Adults will be fined for providing alcohol to teenagers.  That’s ridiculous – how’s Schoolies supposed to work?

The Drug Foundation says that anything over two standard drinks can be dangerous.  It makes the bucket bongs REALLY hit you. / bucket bongs hit really hard.

The ADF says teens should put away the bottle, and go back to cutting themselves like normal people.

But by saying it’s harmful, the ADF is actually encouraging teens to drink.  Don’t they know our teens are all into self-harm?

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