Adversheeping (The Glass House 10/5/06)

144 Dutch sheep are being used to advertise an online hotel reservation company via waterproof blankets.

The sheep are thrilled; as one said, “It’s much better than that soggy old wool I used to get around in!”

It’s an old idea – sheep have been advertising wool for ages.

Branding’s come a long way since we used to just burn a logo into the sheep. Good thing too; I’m happy to wear a T-shirt, but I wouldn’t want “FCUK” burned into my chest.

The mayor of the Dutch town has sued because advertising along highways is banned. The law clearly states that sheep are only allowed to advertise in groves, crescents and avenues. For all other areas, you have to use alpacas.

Our nursery rhymes could change…
“Baa baa branded sheep
Have you any rooms?
Yes sir, yes sir,
We’ve got a nice two bedroom penthouse suite in the good end of town for just 200 euros a night.”

“Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went –
A cor-por-ate logo.”

But aren’t billboards better than sheep? They eat less, they shit less, and they struggle less when you slit their throats.

But aren’t billboards better than sheep? They eat less, they shit less, and they still taste great with mint sauce – though it’s an acquired taste.

It’s easy to get sheep to advertise, but I wanna see advertisers eat grass and shit tiny pellets.

Of course, sheep billboards are tiny compared to regular ones. So next they’re going to advertise on whales. Sure you’ve got a limited audience, but think of the barnacles!

Next they’re going to advertise on whales. You get a lot more advertising space and you can appeal to the currently untapped shellfish market!

You could use snakes for companies with really long names, and I guess the budget-conscious could always advertise on microbes.

Ads are great on sheep, and cows are perfect for displaying moo-vies.

Butchers are planning to advertise on sheep, although their ad-jackets simply divide them up into all their different cuts. Mmm, fresh walking meat.

Normal ads are displayed on sheep, while pop ups are displayed on e-mus.

Scientists are now working on breeding a sheep that’s six times as big, unable to move and completely flat.

But if they ban the sheep from wearing the advertisements, how are they going to keep warm? I mean, who’s ever heard of a sheep wearing a jacket without advertising? That’s just ridiculous!

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