Retirement plans around the globe (The Glass House 17/5/06)

A survey in industrialised countries has found different nationalities have different hopes for when they retire. The Germans want to play more sport, the French to do some gardening, and the Italians and Spaniards want to do nothing. A little boring, perhaps, but at least you don’t need much money to live out your dreams.

Italians and Spaniards are the most pessimistic about retirement. Yeah, what a terrible way to live your last years… lying around enjoying beautiful weather and fabulous cities.

Italian and Spanish retirees are more likely to want to waste time doing nothing, whereas Americans and British are much more likely to go adventuring to exciting new places – like Italy and Spain.

The thing Australian retirees look forward to most is their freedom. Especially David Hicks.

The thing Australian retirees look forward to most is their freedom. Although not neccessarily the kind of freedom that we’re giving the Iraqis.

Aussies approaching retirement should consider a tour of duty in Iraq – I hear they’ve got plenty of freedom over there now.

In most countries people would like to retire early – except in Japan, where advanced technology allows the average person to work until they’re 130…

Britons and Americans were most likely to go on prolonged overseas holidays. Although the Americans usually call it “fleeing”.

Americans were most likely to go on prolonged overseas holidays. Often prolonged because they don’t know what country they’re in…

Americans are most likely to go on prolonged overseas holidays, even though most of them don’t know there are any other countries.

Americans are most likely to go on “prolonged overseas holidays”. Sounds a lot friendlier than “invasion”.

Americans are most likely to go on “prolonged overseas holidays”. Like the “Prolonged Overseas Holiday” currently being waged in Iraq.

American retirees are queueing up for holidays through warzones; the so-called Package Tour of Duty.

Americans were most likely to go on prolonged overseas holidays. Prolonged until Bush is voted out of office…

Americans are most likely to go on long foreign holidays. Although they do think that Florida counts as foreign.

German retirees are keen to get more involved in sport. No wonder their Olympians are so crap! They’re all old fogeys!

German retirees are keen to get more involved in sport. Or cannibalism. But mostly sport.

But above all, the thing people looked forward to most about retirement was not working…

Australians look forward to a time of long-awaited freedom. Yeah, it’s great that when you’re 70 you can finally afford to do all those things you wanted to do when you were 20…

Do something you like while you still can, people! No-one wants to see a 70 year old guitarist duck walk across the stage! Although there may be a vacancy coming up in The Rolling Stones…

People should pursue their passions before they retire. No-one wants to see a 70 year old lingerie model. Though don’t tell Elle that.

Do something you like while you still can, people! Don’t wait till you’re retired to start your rugby league career! You won’t win any premierships that way…

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