e-Lected Officials (The Glass House 17/5/06)

eBay are auctioning off ten political events for charity, including joining the PM for his annual cricket match. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Bodyline! (Might kill him, but it’s how he would want to go…)

You can also bid for a lunch for six with Kim Beazley. If you’re lucky, he might even let you have some.

Bob Brown will take you down to Tassie’s Styx Valley and show you the “Mark Latham tree”. You’d better not take any photos of it though… it’ll break your camera.

The Mark Latham Tree: it grows a bitter fruit, its branches are stacked, and it’s got a trunk that’ll break your arm.

They’ll even let you climb the Latham tree, although you do have to provide your own Ladder of Opportunity.

Thrillseekers can bid for a taxi ride with Mark Latham…

Peter Garrett’s taking two winning bidders to an Aussie rocker reunion gig – think Dragon and Jenny Morris. Although anyone under 35 will have difficulty thinking of either of them.

Peter Garrett’s going to take a couple of people to an Aussie rocker reunion gig. Just give him plenty of room in the moshpit. (do Garrett dance)

You can also bid for dinner with Simon Crean, Alexander Downer, John Anderson and Natahsa Stott Despoja. You know what that means – FOOD FIGHT!

That’s right, at a restaurant of your choice, you get to play Mr Speaker!

Then there’s dinner with Simon Crean, Alexander Downer, John Anderson and Natahsa Stott Despoja; it’s called the “Political Intercourse” dinner… I wonder if it’s as scary as it sounds.

Then there’s dinner with Simon Crean, Alexander Downer, John Anderson and Natahsa Stott Despoja; it’s called the “Political Intercourse” dinner. Typical of greedy politicians. Most people save the intercourse til after dinner.

The “Political Intercourse” dinner. Personally, nothing turns me off my dinner more than politicians rooting.

The “Political Intercourse” dinner. It turns me off my dinner just to think of Downer and Crean getting it on.

You can also bid on an exclusive tour of Phillip Ruddock’s crypt…

Peter Costello is offering a tour of his sacrificial altar. Low income earners a specialty!

Amanda Vanstone’s offering an all-expenses paid trip behind razor-wire for the whole family! It’s a great learning experience for the kids – they might even learn sewing! (mime lip-sewing)

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