Funless existence (The Glass House 24/5/06)

A new report has found that nearly two-thirds of Australians think they aren’t having as much fun as they did twenty years ago. So, some ways to bring the fun back into your life:

  • Why not fingerpaint on your Porsche? Or, for even more fun, someone else’s!
  • Work less and earn more: become a politician!
  • Expand cow-tipping to all forms of life, including human beings.
  • Make life like one big party: always wear a pointy hat, eat fairy bread, and every time you see a donkey, stick a pin in it.
  • All public seating should be replaced with public whoopee cushions.
  • For conferences, always have one less seat than you need – and the delegates can play musical chairs!
  • In the office: Pretend your desk is a boat, and that you’ve got to bail water out before it sinks! If anyone asks what you’re doing, tell them to get above deck before they drown!
  • Build a giant robot out of your paperclips, and set it to “Destroy”.
  • Stick a pair of underpants in the photocopier! That way every photocopy has a pair of underpants on it!
  • Sit in a meeting and try to tear the agenda into the longest possible single strip. It’s even better than orange peel!
  • While doing the accounts, sing your favourite Sesame Street songs for each number. Takes longer, but the look on the Head of Accounts is worth the wait!
  • Swap the sugar with salt and watch people’s faces drop! Or swap it with crystal meth and watch their faces melt!
  • We could pretend we’re a different country, and tell all visitors that we really are Austria. “Ja, ja, land of ze sveepink plains, ja!”
  • Or you could escape to an imaginary world: where your mortgage was paid off, you could afford the kids’ school fees, and the rivers all ran with petrol, glorious petrol!
  • Have Happy Hour all day, with only between 5 and 6 left for “Morose Hour”…
  • We’re having much less fun than in 1986. Obviously, to have more fun, we need to win the America’s cup, have a boozy womaniser as PM, and wear more hypercolour T-shirts / legwarmers / leotards / headbands / parachute pants / Rubik’s Cube Keyrings.

A new report has found that nearly two-thirds of Australians think they aren’t having as much fun as they did twenty years ago. Some in their early twenties are finding that playing with their old blocks is beginning to lose its appeal.

A new report has found that nearly two-thirds of Australians think they aren’t having as much fun as they did twenty years ago. They never get a turn on the see-saw any more.

To combat the sense of funless gloom, the Government’s introducing the War on Seriousness. Start smiling or you could be disappeared…

People are scared of terror, feel trapped by anti-dissent laws, and have no job security. But at least we’ve got politicians we can laugh at!

More than three-quarters of parents said that they didn’t see enough of their children, while the other quarter were shocked that their children were still in politics.

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