Chopperopoly (The Glass House 24/5/06)

A new board game has gone on sale based on the life of Chopper Read. Mochopperly! All the squares say “Go To Jail”…

It’s a competetive game; every time you get sent to gaol, you get stabbed.

Roll a six and you lose a toe.

The Community Chest is covered in tattoos…

One card says, “Chop off your ears, but do not pass Van Gogh”…

Chance: “You come last in a fuckin’ beauty contest. Collect fuck all.”

Community Chest: “You sign a publishing deal for your books and become not only rich, but an Aussie icon, despite laws against profiting from crime. Move to Tasmania, laughing your tattooed arse off.”

Chance: “Take the money from whoever’s winning the game, torture them with a blowtorch and cut their toes off.”

It’s played a bit like scrabble, but you only get “u”, “c”, “k” and “f”.

It’s a distinct advantage in the game if you get to play Chopper. If at all possible, avoid the Neville Bartos piece.

The winner is the first player to pull out a gun and say “Time to stop playin’ fuckin’ games, eh? Where’s the cash?”

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