Glass House

Stole-A-Coaster (The Glass House 7/6/06)

German authorities are baffled after an entire rollercoaster was stolen from a parked truck. Police are on the lookout for a guy with a really bulky overcoat…

Police are asking for people to come forward if they’ve seen any suspicious looking Luna Parks suddenly spring up in their area.

You have to be this tall to steal it.

They’ve tracked down the rollercoaster, but the thieves are still evading capture. The cops seem to be always three carriages behind them…

The police are hot on their trail. (bounce up and down as if on a rollercoaster in a humourous fashion) “They went thataWAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY…”

The thieves tried to sell the rollercoaster on, but no-one would believe that it came off the back of a truck…

Asked how they felt about the daring theft, the thieves said they were really happy, then sad, then happy again…

A police spokesman asked for public assistance, saying “the last thing we want is for amateurs to try putting it together”. There’s nothing worse when you’re on a rollercoaster to discover that the last bit’s missing. Although it is quite a thrill.

A police spokesman asked for public assistance, saying “the last thing we want is for amateurs to try putting it together”. Yeah, they might end up with the Tunnel of Love.

They wanted to steal the ghost train, but were too scared…

They tried to steal the dodgem cars, but they kept crashing.

What are they going to do with it? The black market for rollercoasters isn’t as big as it once was.

Turns out it was a kidnapping gone wrong – they were supposed to kidnap Robert Dipierdomenico.

Police were immediately in hot pursuit, but kept crashing their dodgem cars.

The grand plan was to steal the rollercoaster, scare the guards with the ghost train, and ride off on the merry-go-round horses.

Police are keeping a close eye on a new amusement park, Honest Tony’s Totally Above-board House of Legitimate Fun.

The crims have set up their own funpark. As well as a top notch rollercoaster, they’ve also got the Dodgy Cars, the Scenic Railway Robbery, and The Davy Jones’ Gravitron: they just set your feet in concrete and drop you into the ocean. The fun part is drowning to death!

It’s a brilliant criminal scheme! Sure, you can’t sell a rollercoaster, but you can redesign it to shake all the money out of people’s pockets. It’s called loop-the-looting.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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