Glass House

Cybersexy Willis (The Glass House 21/6/06)

The shooting of a new sex scene featuring Halle Berry and Bruce Willis is said to be lacking just one thing – Bruce Willis. Berry had to writhe around solo while a tape of Willis’ voice was played; Bruce will be spliced into the scene later via computer. Apparently Willis “couldn’t make the shoot”. Now there’s a euphemism if ever I heard one.

Willis apparently “couldn’t make the shoot”. He also wasn’t available for filming.

Willis apparently “couldn’t make the shoot”. Well, that happens when you get older.

Willis apparently would have loved to do a sex scene with Berry. That was the problem – his shoot was over before the cameras even started rolling…

It really wasn’t just an excuse to film Halle Berry writhing around moaning, really it wasn’t.

Of course this technology is already highly advanced. In fact CGI was only invented as a way to see Halle Berry writhe around naked.

And if Willis doesn’t look realistic enough, they’ll just use the old Jar Jar Binks program.

It can now be revealed that Bruce Willis doesn’t exist at all – he’s completely CGI. Which explains his acting. / Demi Moore is said to have finally understood what went wrong with their marriage.

There’s also a Director’s Cut of the film where they’ve taken Bruce Willis back out again…

Alternate versions of the scene have been constructed featuring Halle Berry having sex with Jar Jar Binks, Gollum, and Lara Croft. The first two have been released online but there are fears if they release the Berry/Croft sex scene that the Internet will melt down.

The twist in the film is when he realise he’s been CGI the whole time… kinda like The Sixth Sense but believable.

The final twist in the film is that he’s actually been CGI the whole time, when he discovers a huge hole in his rendering.

As well as sex scenes, they’re also hoping to use the technology to help improve his acting scenes too.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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