Bob the Greenie (The Glass House 21/6/06)

Bob the Builder is being used to promote home insulation as a weapon against climate change at a European energy ministers meeting. At last they’re putting climate change in language that even politicians can understand!

The move represented an acknowledgement of the severity of the climate change predicament. As the British Energy Minister said, “We have heard that whatever the problem, Bob can fix it. Hope so. The rest of us have no bloody idea.”

Shows what a serious issue it is. Only fictional characters can save us now!

It’s appropriate that Bob the Builder is used to address climate change. After all when the seas rise and the world is battered by natural disasters, only the synthetic will survive. It’ll just be Bob the Builder and Paris Hilton – now that’s a video!

Bob’s vehicles Scoop, Muck, Dizzy, Lofty and Rolly are being phased out as too polluting. From now on, Bob’s going to be doing all his excavating using little Sammy Shovel. (Each episode now runs for sixteen hours.)

(sung) Global Warming –
Can we fix it?
Global Warming –
Probly not! / No, we’re fucked!

There are a few new characters in the show: Mike the Meteorologist, Chloe the Climatologist, Ian the Insulator and Evie the Expert-on-Climate-Change.

The plan has backfired; now everyone thinks climate change is caused by Spud the Scarecrow.

They were going to use the Teletubbies, but their message of “inkle pinkle dinkle la la la” was misinterpreted by some countries.

Bob suggested people should leave their cars at home and travel whenever possible by Thomas (the Tank Engine).

The Federal Government here has apparently approached Bob to build all their nuclear plants…

The success of the Bob presentation has led to Thomas the Tank Engine being appointed EU Minister for Transport and the Wiggles as head of Industry and Trade.

They’re also using Cookie Monster to deal with childhood obesity and the Teletubbies to educate people about the threat of TVs in their stomachs.

Unfortunately it turns out that the only way to avert a global climate catastrophe is to phase out all Bob the Builder merchandise.

They’re phasing out the Kyoto Protocol and replacing it with the Toytown Protocol.

Bob Brown is thinking of capitalising on Bob the Builder’s new green streak. The Greens’ new campaign slogan is “Bob the Greenie – you can’t build it!”

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