Swimming in the morning? (The Glass House 5/7/06)

Channel Seven and the Australian Olympic Committee are up in arms about plans to hold the swimming events at the Beijing Olympics in the morning to allow them to be screened in American prime time. But they shouldn’t worry about the ratings dropping; as the World Cup is proving, Australians are always happy to pull a sickie for sport!

Australian swimmers and executives are afraid that swimmers won’t perform at their peak in the mornings. Libby Lenton said “It’s a scientific fact that people perform better at night than in the morning because the body is more awake.” Yeah, that must be why most people prefer to work night shift.

These swimmers spend their whole lives training 18 hours a day – surely they deserve a nice sleep-in on the morning of their finals.

These swimmers didn’t spend their whole lives training 18 hours a day to get up early!

(aristocratic voice) “Swimming in the morning? Are you mad?”

The swimmers are afraid if the events are held too close to breakfast they might get a stitch. And you know if they don’t get their Uncle Toby’s they just get grouchy.

You’re not supposed to go swimming until at least an hour after breakfast. No matter when US prime time is.

Athletes have complained about having to swim their finals in the morning. Well, they could always quit and GET A REAL JOB!

Athletes have complained about morning swimming finals, saying that they’d rather sleep in and be all comfy-wumfy in their little beddy-weddies. Well just SHUT UP AND DO WHAT YOU’RE TOLDY-WOLDY!

Unfortunately with the swimming moving to morning, the shooting has had to be moved to night-time. Quite a few of the medals are expected to be awarded posthumously.

Athletes in less popular sports are thrilled to finally get a chance to compete at night when they’re at their physical peak. It threatens to be the most intensely competed Olympic lawn bowls ever!

Why do the Americans care when the swimming finals are on anyway? Do they really want to watch us KICK THEIR SORRY ARSES?

Aussie athletes are afraid that their dominance in the swimming events might be lost to freaky morning-swimming countries. It’s just not fair!

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