Smack your children well (The Glass House 2/8/06)

A New Zealand Christian group has urged parents to smack their naughty children for up to 15 minutes a day. Regardless of what they’ve done – it’s just fun!

Smacking a child for 15 minutes rids them of “sin in the heart”, as well as being plain old fun!

Beat the sin out of them! Yeah! Because if there’s one thing Satan can’t stand, it’s cruelty to children.

It’s based on good Christian philosophy. Christ taught us to turn the other cheek – at least once the first cheek is red raw.

Christian parents should spend 15 minutes smacking their children, while Satanic parents should spend 15 minutes sacrificing their children.

To help with the campaign, the Prodigy have re-released their single “Smack my Kids Up”.

After all, it’s how God deals with issues: “Do what I say or you’ll get a good smiting!”

Smacking your kids is still more lenient than what God would do: he deals with his naughty children by drowning them all, then burning their souls in Hell for all eternity…

Only 15 minutes of smacking? Bloody Christian peaceniks!

Who would’ve expected child-beatings from a religion that idolises a guy getting flogged and nailed to a cross…?

The group, Family Integrity, says the Bible recommends smacking to drive out the child’s foolishness and sin. That’s a direct quote from the Book of Child-Rearing – I think it’s in the Third Testament.

Smacking drives out foolishness and sinful manifestations, so they “do not become permanent fixtures”. Unlike the bruises.

Smacking drives out foolishness and sinful manifestations, so they “do not become permanent fixtures”. Unlike the desire to give ritual beatings to small children. Which becomes thoroughly entrenched.

The parents just want kids to follow the example set by Christ. “So do your homework or you get crucified!”

And it’s really good to associate beatings with holiness: coz there’s nothing God likes more than masochistic pain-freaks. I mean, look at Christ!

Naughty kids should be smacked for 15 minutes. Good kids should be smacked for 20 minutes as a preventative measure. And junkies can be smacked all day…

As if New Zealand didn’t already have a big enough issue with kids wondering when they’re getting their daily smack…

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