Oh Scardey bin Laden (The Glass House 23/8/06)

A new documentary reveals that mujahideen used to laugh at Osama bin Laden because he would jump and run away when he heard explosions. That’s why he hides out in a cave – those terrorists are all just so scary.

They used to call him a “scaredy camel”.

His group was nearly called “al Quaieeeek!”

His nickname as a kid was “O mama’s boy Laden”.

Bin Laden’s said to be very disappointed with the direction Al Qaeda’s taken. “Sure they’re doing well at killing the western infidels, but do they have to be so scary?”

Bin Laden was often heard to ask, “Could you keep the noise down, we’re trying to blow people up here!”

Pretty much everyone in the west wants him dead – what’s he got to be scared of?

Apparently, when he was a boy, he’d hide in caves as soon as he heard explosions. Hmmm… seems not much has changed.

Who would’ve guessed Osama was a chicken? After all, he’s spent the last five years bravely hiding in caves.

Bin Laden’s childhood friend also revealed their early inspiration for jihad came from cowboy movies. They only attacked America coz they heard it was full of injuns.

There’s only one thing that Osama’s not scared of, and that’s terror.

Osama denies that he’s a scaredy cat – and he’s certainly never been to Ballarat.

The claims were made by Hutaifa Azzam, apparently a long time friend of Osama’s, whose father and brother happened to have been killed by bin Laden’s associates. As well as being a chicken, Azzam claims Osama is “a family-murdering arsehole”.

Of all the mujahideen in Afghanistan, bin Laden was the one who was most afraid when under fire. He would seem an unlikely choice for leader, except all his peers died when they, erm, came under fire.

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