Pony doping (The Glass House 20/9/06)

The mother of an 11 year old British Show Jumping contestant has been accused of doping rival horses to help her son to victory. What a brilliant plan! Even if he didn’t come first in the field, she could disqualify all the other ponies in the drug tests!

Mrs Kim Baudains was seen feeding “mints” to a number of ponies, before one dropped out of a horse’s mouth and was found to be a sedative. With a great minty taste! Really freshens your horse-breath!

Mrs Kim Baudains was seen feeding “mints” to a number of ponies – now that’s not supicious…

Suspicion was aroused when several ponies couldn’t be.

Riders became suspicious when their mounts became unusually lethargic, and started playing records by the Grateful Dead. / and began complaining of having “the munchies”.

Riders became suspicious when their mounts became unusually lethargic, paranoid, and started hearing colours.

Riders became suspicious when, rather than jumping the hurdles, their ponies lay down in front of them for a bit of shuteye.

It was the favourites that copped it the worst – the sedatives really didn’t mix well with the steroids. Though they did fall asleep in record time!

Another giveaway that she had something planned was the dogfood truck parked just outside…

The ponies are pissed off. “Where are we gunna get our gear now?” / “Man, the cops keep arresting all our dealers!” / “Man, those pills sure beat running around in circles all day, jumpin’ shit.”

The doped horses were useless for jumping hurdles. Though they were jumping them in their minds

Mrs Baudains claimed she wasn’t trying to influence the show-jumping – she just wanted the ponies to be more “open-minded” for a video she was making after the show… / more “relaxed” for a home-movie she was making after the show…

Mrs Baudains was very competitive, hoping her son would grow up to be a fomous jockey. She had dreams of one day doping all of Royal Ascot. / the whole Derby. / the whole Melbourne Cup.

Ah, doping ponies – the only thing funnier is doping small children.

When confronted, Mrs Baudains burst into tears. “This is just like Little Aths last year! Why do they always catch me?”

Police have now closed the case on a Little Aths steroids-scandal, several ODs in the three-legged race, and a urine-tampering scheme in the boys toilets.

It’s not the first time she’s been in trouble. Her son won last year’s egg and spoon race when all the other kids threw out their eggs and started staring at their reflections in the spoons. “Woahhhhhh – I’m upside down!”

Apparently some of the ponies took the drug by mane-lining it…

The drug is virtually undetectable – although it does make the users a little hoarse.

When asked if they liked being drugged, the ponies unanimously voted “neigh”…

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