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Fencing in the Iraqis (The Glass House 18/10/06)

Saudi Arabia are building a 900 kilometre high-tech fence all the way along their border with Iraq. The wall includes large sand barriers, two barbed wire fences, a pyramid of barbed wire in the middle of 33 metres of sand dotted with underground motion sensors, and a sign that says “Beware of the Dog”.

It’s based on the exercise yard at Guantanamo…

Now, getting from Iraq to Saudi Arabia is like “It’s a Knockout”! / If they install a slippery foam waterslide, it’ll be “It’s a Knockout”!

Saudi Arabia have a tough immigrant policy: Iraqi insurgents: bad. Members of Al Qaida: good.

Monitoring posts at intervals along the border take photos, which are then processed by face-recognition software. Although after you’ve been over the barbed wire pyramid your face isn’t necessarily that recognisable…

And even once you get through all that, you’ve still got to deal with a really strict passport-stamper. / the dress code is strictly smart casual. / you’re not allowed in if you’re wearing sandals or thongs. / the bouncer only lets in hot chicks.

Saudi Arabia wants to keep Iraqi insurgents out – after all, most of them don’t even know how to fly a plane.

Given that most of the September 11 hijackers came from Saudi Arabia, is this fence to keep suicide bombers out or in?

It’s a great policy for us in the west – the last thing we want is Iraqi insurgents escaping to Saudi Arabia and joining al Qaeda.

The Saudis are really just sick of Iraq watching them while they’re in the garden.

The Iraqi government have responded by building an even bigger fence on their side.

But a giant fence isn’t really going to help. The Middle East is never going to be safe until everyone has their own personal fence.

Lucky the Coalition of the Willing didn’t invade the country most of the 9/11 hijackers came from, or the Saudi government wouldn’t know where to build their fence…

The fence is partly to keep insurgents out, but mainly to stop a flood of refugees fleeing Iraq. Although if the latest figures are right they shouldn’t be that worried – apparently, there are hardly any Iraqis left.

The Saudis have installed a one-way gate into Iraq, labelled “Jihad this way”…

The fence is also excellent for stopping Coalition soldiers from fleeing…

It’s not just the Iraqi insurgents they want to stop entering the country – there’s also all those Western infidels!

It’s not to keep out terrorists: it’s to stop Iraq rabbits getting to the Saudi carrot patch.

It’s costing $700 million. Now suicide bombers can blow up one of the most expensive things in Saudi Arabia without even having to enter the country. / Makes a very good target…

John Howard loves the idea – he’s planning on building one around the entire Australian coastline…

It’s a sure sign that the situation in Iraq is stabilising, just like Bush and Howard keep telling us…

You think their fences are hardcore, you should see their pebble-mix!

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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