Hideously Clinton (cut from Attack Ads segment – The Glass House 15/11/06)

John Spencer, Hilary Clinton’s challenger for the Senate, allegedly said that she looked “hideous” as a young woman, and has had millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery. The Republicans are obviously getting desperate – normally they just call their opponents dirty stinkin commie bastards. / dirty treehuggin hippie scum. / normally they just reveal some sordid sex scandal.

Spencer added: “I don’t know why Bill married her.” Come on, look at that photo! She’s twice as good-looking as Monica. And you can’t see it, but she’s got the cigar in the same spot too… / And it’s out of shot, but she’s got the cigar is the same place too…

Clinton denies she’s had plastic surgery. But if she wants to be President, she needs as much in common with the average American woman as possible. And these days, a nose job’s as American as apple pie! / And what’s more American than plastic surgery?

Yeah, she was “hideous”. Without that plastic surgery she could have ended up looking like Laura Bush! / George Bush! / Dubya!

God, I wish we had girls that “ugly” in our Senate. Now that Stott-Despoja’s retiring, our Senate pin-up girl will have to be Vanstone. And that takes a lot of blu-tak.

Hilary’s winning so easily that Spencer’s resorting to desperate tactics. If he manages to convince the electorate that Hilary’s a baby-eating swamp yeti, he might still be in with a chance!

Calling your opposition ugly is so desperate – next they’ll be saying she smells / she’s got nits / she’s a Nazi robot from space.

Now the Republicans have their own sex scandal, they’re responding with an “ugly scandal”.

Hilary has struck back, releasing a secret CIA report that proves Spencer “is a pooey-bum” and “has cooties”. / proves Spencer shat his pants in grade one.

Turns out it wasn’t Hilary at all, it was the back end of a cow.

Clinton’s adviser Howard Wolfson has said she has had no plastic surgery – it’s all botox. / it’s all botulism.

The class shot of Hilary would actually make me more likely to vote for her: unlike the current President, at least we can be sure she went to class.

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