Cruisey marriage (The Glass House 22/11/06)

Tom and Katie have at long last made honest people of each other and tied the knot. They had two ceremonies, a Roman Catholic one in an Italian medieval castle overlooking a lake, and a Scientologist one in a mothership overlooking their Thetans’ home planet.

The Vatican were unsure whether to allow a Roman Catholic wedding, given that Cruise has been divorced and is a prominent Scientologist. Luckily for Cruise the Vatican officials were swayed by a Mission Impossible DVD box set.

Cruise would have had the Scientology ceremony in Rome instead, but was informed that when in Rome he ought to do what the Romans did.

Due to Scientologist doctrine, Katie was not allowed to make any noise throughout the ceremony…

Scientologists do things differently: first they have a child, then they get married, then, eventually, they meet and fall in love. (But you have to be a Level 6.)

The ceremony was beautiful. The groom jumped down the aisle on a series of couches to say “I dooo-ooo-whooo!”

The ceremony was beautiful. The groom abseiled down the church between a series of green lasers, and launched the ring onto Katie’s finger with a concealed rocket-pack.

Catering was a problem though; Cruise really lost it when he saw what the main course was: “GOOOOOSE! NOOOOO!!”

Katie’s relieved that the wedding’s over so that she can finally make plans for their divorce.

Tom has recently taken over his own movie studio, following in the footsteps of Mel Gibson. Watch out for his new film “The Passion of L. Ron Hubbard”…

Of course Tom’s popularity has nosedived recently, and Katie hasn’t made any films for ages. In fact the most popular member of the family nowadays is little Suri, the star of “Mission Impossible 4: Baby Bad Hair Day”. / and she’s barely even old enough to jump a small couch.

Q for TomKatSuri: Is it true that, if you couldn’t get Rome, your second choice was Zarquon 9?

Q for TomKatSuri: Is it true that this is all part of an alien/human hybrid breeding program? And if so, which one’s the human?

Leave a Reply