Bambang the dog (The Glass House 22/11/06)

An Indonesian University student has been sentenced to almost four months jail for calling President Yudhoyono and his Vice-President “dogs” and “cat excrement”. He was given one month for being insulting, and three months for mixing his metaphors.

There is an upside though; when he’s released he’s being offered a job as an Opposition speechwriter.

Use of insults like that is strictly restricted to Cabinet members.

Yudhoyono stood by the verdict. “If you’re going to compare leaders to animals, make them Australian leaders. And make sure they’re rutting!”

Unfortunately the decision has meant that Alexander Downer has to make some last minute changes to his opening remarks at the security talks.

Lucky we don’t have such strict curtailing of free speech in Australia. If you call the leader rude names here they just cancel your TV show.

It’s good news for scantily-clad women throughout the Muslim world. If, as Sheik al-Hilali has said, they’re like uncovered catfood, one day they could be eaten and shat out as President!

It’s difficult for someone to be simultaneously a dog and cat excrement. Dog-shitting cats tend to die young. / The dog-shitting cat was one of evolution’s cruellest mistakes.

It’s ridiculous – I mean, maybe cats could be considered dog excrement, but the other way round? The man’s a fool – he should’ve been given the death penalty.

But how can you insult a guy called “Bambang”?

The sentence comes after a similar case when the president locked up his parents for naming him “Bambang”.

“Dog” is not really much of an insult. If only there was some way to make fun of Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono’s name…

The student defended his words, claiming that he loved dogs, and that by “cat excrement”, he was merely pointing out that the President was made of digested fish and milk – which is a great compliment in some cultures.

But it was all a terrible misunderstanding. Rather than “cat excrement”, the student had actually called the President “cat waist” – suggesting that the president had a slim and cat-like figure – but Bambang locked him up anyway, claiming it sounded a bit poovy.

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