Glass House

Rogues’ Gallery (The Glass House 29/11/06)

Kerrie-On Dolphin
– Kerrie-Anne always let the dolphin have the first fish.
– Suddenly, Kerrie-Anne’s surfboard came to life!
– Good Morning Australia was originally going to be The Dolphin RodeoShow
– Kerri-Anne’s first marriage just didn’t work.
– A carefree creature who’s happy to work for fish, and a dolphin.
– It can squirt water from a hole in its head – and ride dolphins!
– Before GMA, Kerri-Anne had to ride the dolphin to work.
– Kerri-Anne was always in favour of alternative transport
– Kerri-Anne’s solution to global warming: everyone has to ride sea-mammals

Jessica & Eddie
– “Bone me – please, bone me!”
– Who Wants to be Boned
– They’ve been working on those smiles for weeks.
– “The only boning we’ll be doing is in bed!”
– The winners of the 2006 Hypocritical Smile awards
– An awkward moment when Eddie and Jessica brought the same smile.

Little John & Big Ted
– John Howard presents the new head of the ABC.
– Howard finally replaces the Treasurer.
– John and Janette celebrate another birthday.
– The ABC’s new anti-bias policy at work.
– ABC appoints new Head of Anti-Bias.
– Big Ted and Little Johnny
– Play School gets really scary
– Howard appealing to the younger voter
– Howard finally finds someone who’ll agree to nuclear power.
– Let’s see what’s through the Arched Square Window.
– Howard anoints his successor.
– Play School won’t be having any more of those “two mummies” stories.

Noel Gallagher & his Trooper
– “Fuck off, Darth.”
– “Up yours, Darth.”
– Oasis reject Darth Vader’s application for drummer.
– Villain in the next Star Wars film – Darth Gallagher.
– Oasis finally join the ‘70s.
– One of these people uses the force – the other is just on the sauce / the other uses pretty much everything else / the other uses whatever he can get his hands on.
– Oasis’ new look just not working.

– Phono.
– Phono Bono.
– Bono – phone home…
– “And if I place these phones over my eyes, world poverty disappears!”
– Bono explains how impoverished third world children could be turned into cyborgs.
– Bono smiled politely while Costello was talking, but really, his mind was elsewhere.
– Bono demonstrates what the Zargons look like.
– The new Mobile Bono.
– Bono can send text messages with his mind.
– Bono is so futuristic he can now only see through cameraphones.
– Bono could be a force for good if only he wasn’t such an incurable dickhead.
– Bono likes to be his own paparazzi.
– The cutting edge in mobiles – or, as he prefers it to be known, “the cutting Bono”.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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