Court allows flirting at work (The Glass House 29/6/05)

Comedy fodder from Blackwell & Holt regarding this article.

A German court has upheld the right of Wal-Mart staff in Germany to flirt at work. The court rejected parts of Wal-Mart’s code of conduct relating to employees’ love lives, alcohol and drug use. This is particularly good news for alcoholic crackwhores. And Courtney Love.

A German court has upheld the right of Wal-Mart staff in Germany to flirt at work. The court rejected parts of Wal-Mart’s code of conduct relating to employees’ love lives, alcohol and drug use. Although now you can’t tell the Xmas Party from a regular workday.

The court overturned one clause that banned “any kind of communication that could be interpreted as sexual,” – this includes suggestive comments, slaps on the bum, and rimming.

Employees have launched a new action to see if they can fuck on the job as well.

Employees are really taking to the new law. There’s certainly been some suggestive noises made around the lingerie counter, there’s been filthy language heard around the condom section, and the behaviour in Aisle 8 has been downright disgusting.

“It builds a closer team”, said one staff member. “Just look at Hans and Heidi there in Menswear – can’t get much closer than that! Well, not without a cock-ring anyway.”

Although this is Germany. Flirting is saying something like (German Accent) “I find your design sleek and economical.”

In Germany, even the flirting is super-efficient. He says, “I find you attractive”, she says “I do”, and the baby is delivered the following spring.

As well as flirting, now employees can drink, play pool and vomit in the back of a taxi at work.

Boeing’s chief executive was recently sacked for having an affair with an executive. They were doing the Boeing Boing-Boing. “Doing the Boeing Boing-Boing” – try saying that three times quickly while having sex in an aeroplane.

They’ve also relaxed the requirement for staff to report code violations to an Ethics Hotline. The huge reduction in workload has resulted in the offices of the Ethics Hotline becoming the most unethical workplace of all…

German Wal-Marts have started stocking new ranges of products, like Suggestive Looks, Puckered Lips and Arse Pinches.

Sleazebags the world over have rejoyced at the relaxing of Germany’s flirting laws. Last week Wal-Mart’s new German employee intake included three Swiss ski instructors, five former porn stars and seventeen old men in long raincoats.

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