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Premiers are Grand Pricks (Good News Week 11/2/08: Bites)

NSW Premier Morris Iemma reckons Sydney is a better place than Melbourne for putting Australia on the world map. But let me tell you all, I saw a world map recently and guess what? Australia’s already there.

NSW Premier Morris Iemma reckons Sydney should take the Grand Prix, as it’s a better place than Melbourne to put Australia on the world map. And the Grand Prix really does put you on the map – it produces enough smog to be able to see from space.

Sydney really is the perfect place for the Grand Prix. After all, it’s pretty grand, and it’s already full of prix.

The Grand Prix has been increasingly expensive for Melbourne, losing $35 million last year. But it’s worth it for all the smog and noise pollution.

Hey, it may lost $40 million a year, but at least you get an incessant unavoidable buzzing noise for a weekend!

Melbourne petrol-heads have pledged that even if the Grand Prix leaves Melbourne, they will dedicate the weekend to getting pissed and roaring around the course themselves.

Sydney is better than Melbourne… for polluting with smog and decibels, cramming with tourists and making cars go really fast.

NSW Premier Morris Iemma has declared that Sydney is better than Melbourne, just a week after Victorian Premier John Brumby dubbed Adelaide “a backwater”. For his own part, Iemma won’t even stoop to commenting on Adelaide.

There’s a lot of bad blood between Premiers these days. Though at least they all agree on one thing: Canberra’s a hole.

Isn’t it about time Premiers put aside their petty bitching and just invaded each other’s states?

Here’s an idea. Rather than having a Grand Prix at all, we could just have an all-in Premiers mud wrestle!

Iemma said he’d have great joy in stealing an event from Melbourne. He’s also said to be planning a fairy penguin heist.

Victorian Premier John Brumby said that Sydney was welcome to the Grand Prix, and he’d trade it for as little as one of them opera house things.

John Brumby has hinted that Melbourne hosting the Grand Prix was in doubt if expenses continued to rise. He could use that 40 million dollars dredging something.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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