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Good News Week

Trendy Rehab (Good News Week 11/2/08: What’s the Story?)

With so many celebrities checking into rehab, local rehab centres are being inundated with calls. People are also wondering if they can get a treatment program that matches their shoes.

Rehab centres believe high profile rehab stints by celebs like Lindsay Lohan and Amy Winehouse are behind the surge in enquiries. Because rehab has worked so well for them.

When asked if she thought her rehab stints were an inspiration to others, Amy Winehouse said “Nooo nooo no”…

To redress the problem, Amy Winehouse is changing her name to Amy Convent. / Amy Nodrinks. / Amy Dryhouse. / Amy Drugsarebad.

Fashion tragics are getting in touch with rehab centres, trying to find out exactly what the stars are addicted to.

More people are going into rehab now that alcohol and drug abuse is no longer taboo – it’s like totally hot!

Some people are checking in to rehab due to celeb rehabbers like Lindsay Lohan, Britney and Amy Winehouse, and celeb non-rehabbers like Heath Ledger.

What? Amy Winehouse is now an inspiration for people to go to rehab? Didn’t they listen to her song?

Rehab centres have been thinking the upswing in interest has been due to celebrity endorsement. But really, it’s just other celebrities assuming false identities.

The real tragedy is when people keep coming back. Rehab addiction is bloody hard to treat.

The real tragedy is when these celebrities get addicted to rehab. The only way to treat rehab addiction is for them to have hot steamy sex with an ex-member of the Doug Anthony All-Stars. Ya hear me Lindsay? / Amy? / girls?

Girls in high school are enrolling themselves in rehab to be as cool as their favourite celebrities. Already there’s been several teenaged girls getting pregnant just so they can have their kids taken off them, just like Britney!

The founder of Family Drug Support has received 600 more calls a month than usual, mostly to do with alcohol problems, rather than heroin or speed. Good to see people are turning to government-sanctioned drugs to destroy their lives.

People rock up to rehab centres all stressed and panicking – I think they should just pop a chill pill.

I still reckon anyone who goes to rehab needs to get off the drugs, man.

Sydney rehab clinics have experienced a surge in enquiries recently. Just as Keith Urban’s in town… coincidence?

Sydney rehab clinics have experienced a surge in enquiries recently. Although with Keith Urban in town it may just be people hoping to catch Nicole during visitors’ hours.

Sydney rehab clinics have experienced a surge in enquiries recently – mostly just people who want to meet Keith Urban.

Sydney’s Odyssey House was forced to turn away people due to the volume of enquiries. Well, drunks do yell.

Sydney’s Odyssey House was forced to turn away people due to the volume of enquiries. But they were able to give them the phone number of a really good dealer.

To cash in on the trend, Channel 7 is launching a new show: “Rehabbing with the Stars”!

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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