Good News Week

Holographic Charlie (Good News Week 18/2/08: The Usual Suspects)

Prince Charles has appeared as a hologram, addressing the World Future Energy Summit. It’s what’s known as a VR system: Virtual Royalty.

In showing his commitment to reducing his carbon footprint, Prince Charles addressed the World Future Energy Summit as a hologram. In fact his holographic self had no footprints at all…

He urged them, “Please help me World Future Energy Summit, you’re my only hope” while dressed as Princess Leia.

The hologram was beamed from a small R2 unit hidden in the buffet.

Prince Charles chose to appear as a hologram to save the carbon emissions caused by travelling by air. And because he got to dress as Princess Leia. / And because well, let’s face it, holgrams are like totally cool. / And because, as a hologram, he didn’t have to mingle with the little people. / And because this way he gets to build up his Frequent Hologram points.

Royal-watchers are also hoping he might bring a holographic Diana along with him. Unfortunately the reanimation software is still only in beta phase.

The holographic Charles’ speech went down very well, but the occasion was somewhat spoilt when he was pursued by holographic paparazzi.

The holographic Charlie’s speech was going well, when all of a sudden he was called away to serve on the USS Enterprise.

The holographic Charlie’s speech was going well, when halfway through he got a virus, thought he was a game of Tetris, and spent the rest of the conference trying to squeeze into the bottom of the lectern.

Being a hologram greatly reduces the Prince’s carbon footprint, although greatly increases his holographic footprint. To compensate, his holographic feet will now only appear at conferences as pieces of 2D embroidery. Strange but true.

The speech went OK, though you could really only see Charles properly if you were at a specific angle.

It was cool enough that he was a hologram, but he also got to wear really groovy moon-boots.

His hologram’s speech focussed on how to combat climate change: switch to laser power, travel by teleportation, and finally shake off the intergalactic tyranny of the Brutal Kraag!

Charlie loves his hologram alter-ego – not only does he have a low carbon footprint, but he doesn’t age and is completely assassination-proof!

He loved being a hologram so much, he’s decided to get rid of his earthly body altogether. “It’s lightweight, saves on packing, and this way, when I make love to Camilla, I don’t even have to be there!”

He’s also hoping his hologram can do time in the bedroom. Camilla’s alright once in a while, but not all the time.

Camilla got herself a hologram as well – and now, instead of having to do that terrible thing in the bedroom, they just set their holograms to “hump”.

Charlie imagines a future where hundreds of him are running around, ruling the world! It’ll be British Empire 2020!

Next time he’s implicated in a murder plot, he’s planning on blaming the hologram.

Prince Charles is thinking of making his next speech as an etcha-sketch. / magnadoodle.

Always thinking of the future, Prince Charles is intending to make his next speech as a plasma ball. / as an android. / as a clone. / as a pair of clones. / as a half man half cow.

Of course, appearing as a 3D hologram halfway across the world doesn’t help his argument that he really isn’t a shape-shifting reptilian alien from another dimension.

He’s hoping when he’s King to just rule Earth from a spaceship, beaming down his messages. “People Of Earth, Merry Christmas!”

Prince Harry’s also created a hologram of himself, which he sent off to Iraq in his place.

Prince Harry’s also created a hologram of himself, but so far he’s just kept it in his room. He talks to it when he’s really stoned. “Dude, man, there’s two of me! I mean, you.”

I can’t wait till I’m a hologram. Digital. Permanent. Only able to be seen properly if you hold me at this angle.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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