Good News Week

Baby Brain (Good News Week 18/2/08: What’s the Story?)

A new study shows what families have known all along – that a woman about to give birth loses a significant amount of her memory. Otherwise, she’d never do it again.

A new study shows what families have known all along – that a pregnant woman loses a significant amount of her memory. But this is the body’s way of dealing with having to do the equivalent of pooing a watermelon. / But when you’re doing the equivalent of pooing a watermelon, you’re happy to forget.

A new study has confirmed that women suffer impaired memory when pregnant and up to a year after birth. It’s nature’s way of making you see things from the baby’s point of view.

It has its advantages. When your pregnant partner has a craving that means driving out into the rain at 3 am, you just tell her she’s already eaten it, and it was delicious.

Of course, memory loss also can occur in other things, and when the thingo gets the whatnot then it really starts to lose its whaddyacallit.

Still, when you’re suffering morning sickness or breast feeding at 4am, it’s probably not the best time to be doing IQ tests.

The effect can also occur in men – they’ve obviously forgotten that they can’t get pregnant.

Of course, having “baby brain” doesn’t mean you actually have the brain of a baby. Although you do start to say things like “goo goo ga ga”.

Some theories as to what causes baby brain includes hormonal changes and sleep deprivation. Or it may just be that you don’t want to remember all that puke and poo.

The study has also shown that these forgetful mums are also incredibly beautiful, intelligent and fun to be around, and yes, I’ll bring the washing in right now and not after the footy’s finished, honey, put away the meat cleaver.

Apparently, for the length of the pregnancy and sometimes a year longer, a 20-year-old woman’s brain becomes the equivalent of a 60-year-old’s. This explains the forgetfulness, the crankiness, and all the doilies. / and all the mothballs. / and all the lawn bowls.

This is why 60-year-olds can’t get pregnant. Their minds would be about 100, and their children would come out aged about 40.

This is why 60-year-olds can’t get pregnant. Well, actually, they can, but with a 100-year-old brain, none of them ever remember it.

The study has prompted scientists to transplant these forgetful brains into the bodies of politicians, in an attempt to make their lame “I do not recall” excuses slightly more believable.

By Wok

Warwick Holt is a highly experienced, award-winning screenwriter, who has written for many of Australia’s top comedians and presenters, and the Emperor of this here Media Empire.

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