Adelaide vs Staines (Good News Week 25/2/08: Giving headline)

The South Australian government has created a new series of ads targeting Britain, with hard-sell slogans like “Sod London house prices” and “Screw working in Staines, hello Adelaide.” The government’s strategy is, if people are going to want to live in Adelaide, they have to be really pissed off first.

The South Australian government has launched an aggressive new advertising campaign to attract British immigrants. As if Adelaide’s not bad enough as it is, now they want to fill it with Poms!

Because Adelaide really wants to attract a pack of Poms who don’t want to work, have no money and laugh at half-arsed swearing.

Other slogans they’re trialling are “Is that all the churches you’ve got? Pathetic.” and “Your sex-murders are weak as piss.”

It replaces the old slogan, “Come to Adelaide. We dare ya.”

“Come to Adelaide ya fucking cunce, or we’ll fuckin smash ya.”

One slogan says “Screw working in Staines, hello Adelaide”. See, in Adelaide you can work in the sewers.

One slogan says “Screw working in Staines, hello Adelaide”. Coz the only stains in Adelaide are blood and semen.

One slogan says “Screw working in Staines, hello Adelaide”. Because Adelaide is the place for stained screw-working.

Not only have they targeted Staines, but Skankshire, Arseborough and Pissthorpe-on-Pus.

Of course, Adelaide has a bad reputation for filthy water, serial killers and being so boring they actually boast of being a City of Churches. But at least they don’t have a slightly nasty sounding name like Staines!

Adelaide is hoping to tap into the vast market of English people wanting to emigrate because of the name of their town. They’re getting lots of visitors from Brown Willy, Lickey End, and Rimswell.

Adelaide is hoping to tap into the vast market of people wanting to emigrate because of the name of their town. They’re getting lots of visitors from Arsoli and Wankendorf.

They’re even hoping to attract Australians living in Tuggeranong, Cape Cockburn, and Tittybong.

Victoria’s Premier recently described Adelaide as “a backwater”, and polls found a majority of Adelaidians agreed. But at least it doesn’t have a silly name, eh?

Another slogan reads “Sod London house prices”. That’s right, “Come to Adelaide – we’re cheap!”

The campaign basically suggests “Your place has a silly name! Wouldn’t you rather come to a country full of your arch-rivals?”

I’ve always said, the main appeal of Adelaide is that it has a name that is hard to make toilet jokes about.

Not only have they targeted Staines, but Ground-in-Dirt. / but they make your whites even whiter.

The advertising executive said “It might appear we are being rude, but a lot of things in Britain aren’t good.” Like the names of their towns… um… apparently it gets quite cold too.

The advertising executive said “It might appear we are being rude, but a lot of things in Britain aren’t good.” Coz they’re just spectacular in Adelaide.

The advertising executive said “It might appear we are being rude, but a lot of things in Britain aren’t good. For instance, they’ve got hedgehogs, which are… quite prickly. Indeed.”

Staines have struck back with their own ad campaign: “Adelaide? Sounds like some sort of growth!”

Staines have struck back with their own ad campaign: “You live in Adelaide! Nuff said!” / What are you thinking!?”

The new ads replace their somewhat outdated campaign “Heave away, haul away, we’re bound for South Australia”.

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