Good Next Week (Good News Week 3/3/08: closing)

Tues, March 4

The outcome from latest meeting of the Reserve Bank will be that they’re still a buncha bankers.

The Reserve Bank will make another decision on interest rates. Pray they don’t raise them, or mortgage stress will hit hard, and MPs might have to lose the limo.

The Texas & Ohio presidential primaries will look like being the end for Hillary Clinton’s campaign, forcing Bill to have a last-minute sex scandal to get her back in the race.

Barack Obama could seal the Democratic nomination for President, meaning that blacks officially are better than women.

Wed, March 5

Think tank the American Enterprise Institute will honour John Howard with the Irving Kristol Award for “individuals who have made exceptional intellectual or practical contributions to improved govt. policy, social welfare or political understanding”. The institute describes Howard as “one of the world’s most successful democratic politicians”. It’s true; people somehow kept on voting for him.

Think tank the American Enterprise Institute will honour John Howard with the Irving Kristol Award for “individuals who have made exceptional intellectual or practical contributions to improved government policy, social welfare or political understanding”. Must be a different John Howard… / Ah, social welfare and political understanding – Johnny’s strongest points. / Wonder if it was locking up refugee children or invading Iraq on false pretences that got him the award…

The American Enterprise Institute will award John Howard with the Irving Kristol Award for being “one of the world’s most successful democratic politicians”. Howard demonstrated the power of democracy by spectacularly landing on his arse.

On Wednesday, the Sydney Institute will host a speech on the “Future Of The Liberals” speech, while simultaneously John Howard will be presented with the Irving Kristol Award for decimating it.

The “Future Of The Liberals” speech will be at the Sydney Institute. Not sure of the details of the speech, but it involves clones, spaceships, and a voyage to Mars.

The “Future Of The Liberals” speech at the Sydney Institute will reveal that Brendan Nelson is actually a dweebot from the year 2012, sent back in time to kill the Liberal Party.

The Sydney Institute hosts a speech on the Future of the Liberals, which will suggest the party will flourish on the planet Menzies.

Thurs, March 6

International Women’s Day will be accused of making up stories about Rove.

International Women’s Day will be beaten to an exclusive by International New Idea.

Thursday’s International Women’s Day. Finally – my ironing is really starting to pile up.

The National Security Summit in Sydney will be held, while the National Insecurity Summit planned for the same day will be cancelled – they didn’t think anyone would be coming, why would they, they’ll probably all be going to that other summit anyway, I’m so fat.

The National Security Summit in Sydney will be really hard to get into, but will turn out to be the best day of the year for getting into nightclubs.

The National Security Summit in Sydney will be crashed not only by The Chaser but by the real Osama.

The National Security Summit in Sydney will be crashed by Osama bin Laden – dressed as Chas Licciardello.

Fri, March 7

This year’s Archibald Prize winner will be announced; this year’s triumphant painting likely to be Keira Knightley’s breasts.

The Archibald Prize winner will be announced –Archibald, again!

Sat, March 8

Saturday is the World Naked Bike Ride. Expect lots of panting, pumping and sexual intercourse.

Australians will take part in the World Naked Bike Ride on Saturday, with lots of lycra-clad young people panting, sweating, pumping and taking part in some sort of bike ride.

Australia will take part in the World Naked Bike Ride. No bike is allowed any clothing whatsoever.

Australia will take part in the World Naked Bike Ride, discovering that, although clothing is optional, bike-seats are compulsory.

Australia will take part in the World Naked Bike Ride, where you’re not allowed clothes, but you are allowed Keira Knightley’s breasts.

Australians will take part in the World Naked Bike Ride. And that’s not a bike pump.

Sun, March 9

2008’s “Big Gay Day” will turn out to be very similar to the “Big Gay Out” and “Lollapalezzo”.

The 2008 Big Gay Day will feature Anthony Callea, Bjorn Again, and direct from South Park, Big Gay Al!

The 2008 Big Gay Day will feature Martha Wash from the Weathergirls of “It’s Raining Men” fame. Weather, rain, wash… just say blow job and be done with it.

Mon, March 10

The Canberra Day public holiday will be celebrated with another wage freeze.

On March 10th’s Canberra Day, it’ll be a Public holiday in the A.C.T, but no-one will be able to tell.

Sharon Stone turns 50. She’s now a GMILF. / GILF. / Grand-MILF.

3 Responses to “Good Next Week (Good News Week 3/3/08: closing)”

  1. Fiona Says:

    This page is now officially the highlight of my Thursday (highlight of Monday being GNW, highlight of Tuesday being reaction posts at LiveJournal, highlight of Wednesday syncing my iPod with the new podcast…life? What life?).

    I was wondering, though – in our office, at coffee break time, we all sit around reading the papers, making fun of the politicians and other idiots in the news – what do you guys talk about during your coffee breaks?

    Thanks again for the spare laughs, fiona

  2. Wok Says:

    Glad we can provide a highlight in an otherwise unhighlighted day… I will not pass judgment upon your life. Usually I try to get this stuff up by Weds but this week other work kind of swamped the schedule.

    In coffee breaks of course we get most of our best work done! The rest of the time we talk about music, the show, or some of the million and one other projects we have on the boil together or separately…

    Cheers, Wok

  3. Fiona Says:

    Glad they’re keeping you busy. I don’t know if you’ve seen a programme over there (I’m in Edinburgh) called Lead Balloon, with Jack Dee as stand-up comedian Rick Spleen who spends most of his time with his co-writer failing to come up with stuff and drinking coffee. You sound like you’re having much more fun.
    GNW is getting better week by week, by the way.
    Must be about time to put the kettle on. Bests, f.

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